tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40003780524017380052024-02-19T06:43:59.896-08:00a girl, her dog, and God Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-57891122721334966162018-04-01T06:04:00.000-07:002018-04-01T06:04:58.181-07:00life & death<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the last few weeks, the topic of life & death has
been in high volume. As a nurse- I see lots of death & have become what
some might say as ‘quite numb or callused’ to it.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilaZcxN_dIUw67v_noWATj13wFKFv7_J8J5iC5LWpfJxrWXWDrhJSaczG3JfeKmvD_DFmc2CW_pQ0Yavvr6lvsfOqZ7YHmj7IRwX6OnISSZJWG-ScUYUMb2bpj-vK7sG0HnxOZh-pqI34/s1600/fde778473e07fc0ac9786842b9e12e96.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="793" data-original-width="549" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilaZcxN_dIUw67v_noWATj13wFKFv7_J8J5iC5LWpfJxrWXWDrhJSaczG3JfeKmvD_DFmc2CW_pQ0Yavvr6lvsfOqZ7YHmj7IRwX6OnISSZJWG-ScUYUMb2bpj-vK7sG0HnxOZh-pqI34/s320/fde778473e07fc0ac9786842b9e12e96.jpg" width="221" /></a></div>
To my own defense- I disagree. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My view of death & life has been greatly changed over
the last few years as my experiences all over the world have opened my eyes. For
so long, as many parts of my life & within my mind, death & life were
compartmentalized. The nice neat boxes I kept them in on the high shelf of the
filing cabinet of my mind, were all at once picked up, unwrapped, & opened
wide. The walls of the boxes were torn down exposing the hidden secrets inside.
The secrets God wanted me to know, to experience. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Death in my own family & death from strangers I took
care of became the practice ground of the knowledge He was feeding me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Death is a part of life, just as much as birth-- the only
permanent thing of this world besides tattoos- only because they still stick
with you after death- they just look different as skin ages & melts away in
yet another box 6 feet under. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Death was not something I feared, but something I saw others
fear. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw death in a different light in Nigeria. It seemed to be
fully embraced by all. A family member got sick- went to the hospital- poor
prognosis, they gathered the family around, spent time together, words
together, last memories shared & they died. It was seen as a part of life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How different it is in America. Fear is coupled with the
word death. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But why? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about death are we afraid of… all that will be missed,
all that wasn’t done, all that wasn’t said, or is it what lies after. Do we
just stop existing or is there more—hell, heaven, eternity in one of the two. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you know where you will go? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are 100% sure?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is what makes life so wonderful- security of knowing
eternity is yet to come. For me- eternity with Jesus far outweighs that of this
life on Earth. But for most- 100% assurance is not coupled with death or
eternity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I looked into his face, as he shook uncontrollably with
Parkinson’s & dementia,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>between
gulps of thickened water he gasps for air, I saw life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also saw death coming & as ease of someone who had no
clue it was wuickly approaching. As he talked about doing his grandma’s dishes,
letting the youngster at the door crawl into bed with him so he could sleep,
& pulling the blanket up to his mouth to chew on… this man was none the
wiser. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninety-six years of life lay in bed before me with nothing
but smiles & stories. Hating hearing the sound of his audible junky lungs
filling up with fluid, I wanted his stories to continue, but fought with the
notion that peace is coming with his last breaths around the bend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought for a moment- “how did I get this privilege to do
this? to see people of all ages & walks of life exit this world & begin
eternity? to be present with someone, caring for them in their last moments.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxJPO71NjJMiKdxG1VCCdJzYy38P3QRVV3OseEu7yeNdKWlyLmyANr7RpIOrmQFuUVcr55DWlIe-azvMOqWWc_KpFsXcI5SfQxmKTRt_9pACLuES1k2Z3uhvekOjT7GBvKb0z8dy_xdxY/s1600/07d01b1366231b97431821e81036c4c3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="569" data-original-width="563" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxJPO71NjJMiKdxG1VCCdJzYy38P3QRVV3OseEu7yeNdKWlyLmyANr7RpIOrmQFuUVcr55DWlIe-azvMOqWWc_KpFsXcI5SfQxmKTRt_9pACLuES1k2Z3uhvekOjT7GBvKb0z8dy_xdxY/s320/07d01b1366231b97431821e81036c4c3.jpg" width="316" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought of the conversation my girlfriends & I have
been having the last few days about this very thing…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Death being certain, time being uncertain, & what do we
do? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His eyes stare back at me as he offers some of his thickened
water to me, & my eyes fill with tears. I wished I knew what he did, where
he lived, how many children, what he had seen & heard & done. Did he
love Jesus? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He didn’t even realize it was Easter until I told him, &
he smiled. Maybe a flash of what Easter meant flew through his mind &
heart. I wonder how he celebrated Easter all these years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the rambling of stories & nonsense phrases came out-
I rubbed his arm & held his hand. This precious trembling hand—he sunk back
in his bed & relaxed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought of Jesus praying in the garden hours before his
arrest. All he asked His disciples to do was stay up & pray with Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait up with Him as He anguished over His last moments
before death. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It hit hard as I swallowed the lump in my throat. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait up with him…<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-52743531148798731262018-03-01T23:15:00.003-08:002018-03-01T23:15:56.899-08:00head in the clouds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl880QvXm0EbikRqj2OQYpjRTECudxci1x_s1TB75QqtzVr06_0GhwAkhqwjm5ZULVl2eDxGZ5JXZEyN3ss-Qnyq23l3W7wBhO_Dd1a9YvA0-qvTN4LIzzWxg2QcOWreWefrwA2efMoko/s1600/2826471801_787aedb379_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl880QvXm0EbikRqj2OQYpjRTECudxci1x_s1TB75QqtzVr06_0GhwAkhqwjm5ZULVl2eDxGZ5JXZEyN3ss-Qnyq23l3W7wBhO_Dd1a9YvA0-qvTN4LIzzWxg2QcOWreWefrwA2efMoko/s320/2826471801_787aedb379_b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
I opened the window shade to find a sea of white- a
beautiful landscape of open sky & sunshine. The clouds lay as a massive
down comforter with a few large pillows in the distance. It was peaceful up
here. Almost as a far away land we rarely visit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt like a child seeing the clouds for the first time.
When time was spent lying in the grass looking up at what cloud creatures God
was drawing together for me- a dinosaur, a bird, a ship, a dragon. The list
seemed to never end in our child like minds. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we started our decent, it looked as if we were skirting
the clouds like birds just above the water in search of fish. It made time
stand still. All I could think was ‘this is a mere glimpse of the beauty of heaven
& what God sees everyday.’ Eternity in child-like minds, child-like faith, child-like
imaginations… forever in awe of Him, with nothing to distract or take away from
it; forever without the pain & brokenness of life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We dipped into the clouds like watching cotton candy
circling around before it sticks to its holder & is passed off to be
consumed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This land of white puffy clouds- unable to see ahead of me,
around me, behind me… isn’t this where He wants me to be always with Him-
trusting His eyes, His leading, His way? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The clouds thinned & the sun disappeared only to prove
that rain & grey winter was very present. The land of mortality, reality
awaits me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why not keep this child-like image going, why not include it
in your day to day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How is more of the question I ask. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do I live each day with Your mind, Your thoughts, Yours
actions, Your life as my life? How can I remain with you while on this earth? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I immediately go back to the study I am in throws with—The
Broken Way. I am discovering that it is the only way to live. As hard as it is,
it is also very simple. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I re-read the words, “Why do you people always say it’s
about having a strong belief in God? Who sits with the knowing that God’s
belief in you is even stronger than yours in Him? You may believe in God, but
never forget—it’s God who believes in you. Every morning that the sun rises
& you get to rise, that’s God saying He believes in you, that He believes
in the story He’s writing through you. He believes in you as a gift the world
needs.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The land of endless clouds- of quiet- of light- of this
reminder that He believes in me more than I in Him—it reminds me that ‘His
mercies are new every morning- not as an obligation to me, but as an
affirmation of me.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“A bruised reed he will not break, & a smoldering wick
he will not snuff out.”(Isaiah 42:3)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“For he remembered that we are merely mortal, gone like a
breath of wind that never returns.” (Psalm 78:39)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His mercies are seen very clearly & quietly while in the
clouds—now just to believe it & live it daily below the clouds where it
really matters. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do I live my life like I fully believe that? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do I believe in Jesus in a way that Jesus believes in
me?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the plane landed & parked, people frantically grabbing
their items & bags, ready to rush off the plane & on to the next thing- I swallowed hard, trying not to forget this moment-
this present reality of God with me, stirring me. And I laugh as I fold the
book I am studying in my bag… for such a time when reality is hard &
healing is needed, You will not let me forget what I so desperately need, &
what You so desperately want me to believe.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwfMk5yBnthyJXpEiyNJmuOzFtMzcOCeQhyTrnZ-cJ8__W0xDaOCd0OAnqiOTF1vRmPo-7NqNH7TIvUUxMoUIj6bs38k8F1ght6kJexktZo3htlztnuLDXd2aLhwSpRlO09V6366qdKUg/s1600/11762.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwfMk5yBnthyJXpEiyNJmuOzFtMzcOCeQhyTrnZ-cJ8__W0xDaOCd0OAnqiOTF1vRmPo-7NqNH7TIvUUxMoUIj6bs38k8F1ght6kJexktZo3htlztnuLDXd2aLhwSpRlO09V6366qdKUg/s320/11762.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-44531163932982476922017-02-12T19:14:00.004-08:002017-02-12T19:14:20.316-08:00blind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsMZPjKr7m9jei4j19TNOEElOn8rNergQLJz8OB5gAz-_CH2mKpCymIjttLUtoqlikkFRSeF_pOlvMckpkOOyzim4VtBnElFuzlP9qRRhvL8FLPw8FnmKZj5qDgnUVNcp16e0NWzfBTo/s1600/68c813ff743152f7d0e81e0b6616720e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsMZPjKr7m9jei4j19TNOEElOn8rNergQLJz8OB5gAz-_CH2mKpCymIjttLUtoqlikkFRSeF_pOlvMckpkOOyzim4VtBnElFuzlP9qRRhvL8FLPw8FnmKZj5qDgnUVNcp16e0NWzfBTo/s200/68c813ff743152f7d0e81e0b6616720e.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realized today that my prayer life was suffering because I
did not see my request answered as I thought it should be. Not that I doubted
God as all powerful or able to give miracles- that I had seen before my eyes
many times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did not lack confidence in who God is or what He could do.
Rather, that He would give me what I asked for. After all, I was asking for a
reconciliation of a man to Himself & to his marriage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw my request as righteous & holy. Asking for a man
who once loved God with all his heart to return to his Master & for a godly
covenant between 2 people to be restored. It was not unreasonable. Nor was it
impossible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But today- I realized I was holding this against God. As if
any other prayer might not be answered just like the last was not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With the verbalizing of my heart- I felt somewhat free. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It doesn’t change the fact that my prayer was unanswered or
the fact that I wasn’t praying much these days now. But oddly, when verbalizing
this to my sister in Christ- it freed me. It opened the door to be addressed,
to converse about. Not by my sister, but by God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He began to speak very softly to the inner most part of my
heart…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard the words very clearly in my online Sunday service
tonight- “let go of your past- let go of what God did not give you- because if
He didn’t give it to you, you didn’t need it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi435sYfh8gmHFjr82mFGUAtGyKHpj-OsMpzYnnjgYIPd7HQVrjea_wjm3grqM_ZHGaN4kRJTo63nK4IxaiCZIBMomy1icwBlVxp7Hn_9st_W_yE-YLuBQCJWhYA08r03cVB_xXZdZeWeY/s1600/b086c6d9857e42e06386fbcf6fd06612.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi435sYfh8gmHFjr82mFGUAtGyKHpj-OsMpzYnnjgYIPd7HQVrjea_wjm3grqM_ZHGaN4kRJTo63nK4IxaiCZIBMomy1icwBlVxp7Hn_9st_W_yE-YLuBQCJWhYA08r03cVB_xXZdZeWeY/s320/b086c6d9857e42e06386fbcf6fd06612.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears streamed down my face as my eyes saw for the first
time what I was holding on to. What I was allowing to hinder me. What I was
allowing to disappoint me. How could I be disappointed in the One who knew
exactly what I needed & did not need before I was even born? How could I be
disappointed in He who gave me all He had to save a wretch like me? He who put
all things into motion before time began. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If God did not give me what I asked for, then I do not need
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWU6xTlIbRuIDLe-1JlhQUlqB9dR4bhIL8Nrws-0_C5NIdEeHOpBfWvXGv5Umf_OH5Ip9vdA4WswLb5jDQ4qh98BdCxOtODskwvf4TsnXYSA5Wy1DQLZtf8qxW1s4cdG_TXdgDc-5fWIQ/s1600/df5085368d28beb6a372ad89cdddb546.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWU6xTlIbRuIDLe-1JlhQUlqB9dR4bhIL8Nrws-0_C5NIdEeHOpBfWvXGv5Umf_OH5Ip9vdA4WswLb5jDQ4qh98BdCxOtODskwvf4TsnXYSA5Wy1DQLZtf8qxW1s4cdG_TXdgDc-5fWIQ/s200/df5085368d28beb6a372ad89cdddb546.jpg" width="200" /></a>I will continue to pray for the reconciliation of a man to
God, and to receive the grace of Your provision in this season!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-19533588237092190422016-12-09T10:16:00.000-08:002016-12-09T10:16:51.698-08:00Soul Cry<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-Tr97glP4-DPY4VnzhTXGfD0nwSz21eBBu3XSkP32SWWPhXHrvV6ANC7_2-P7Q_ZJ4oaoqSsRGBOcwfP-WnuViwG2LvRf0oBdoXi3rnCH2q4l__Gz-PAlRMDbWMbY2wPueGtQFifIMAw/s1600/867db2c53cdc52a34313e3e353dcd98f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-Tr97glP4-DPY4VnzhTXGfD0nwSz21eBBu3XSkP32SWWPhXHrvV6ANC7_2-P7Q_ZJ4oaoqSsRGBOcwfP-WnuViwG2LvRf0oBdoXi3rnCH2q4l__Gz-PAlRMDbWMbY2wPueGtQFifIMAw/s320/867db2c53cdc52a34313e3e353dcd98f.jpg" width="226" /></a></div>
How do you find the words to pray, to speak to the Holy of
Holies?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cant… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I am grateful that He knows what each tear and wail mean.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am learning tonight that a soul cry captivates the ears of
God- the attention of all of Heaven actually. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can remember this same feeling almost 3 years ago- knowing
all of heaven drew their attention to earth at that moment. That the Holy
Spirit was circling me. That Jesus was in the throne room pleading my case. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The King of Kings coming off His throne- laying His crown
down- tears streaming down His face, pleading my case before God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It overwhelms me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That He has such a vested interest in me, who even now
fights her flesh and mind and heart back to stay focused on Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Praying tears and not words for someone else’s soul creates
an atmosphere that moves the heart of God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I ask Him to help me in the present, He tends to me… I
feel Him holding me as He breaths His life in me with Isaiah 43:18-19 (MSG) “<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">“forget about what’s happened; don’t
keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. Watch. I am about to do
something brand-new.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEmBrDRF7koyMdnCHdzk7cjr2QusbRiDKJ-KiUkWjQOOo0QXiAbO7sywE-gCaeTTnz5_ORnXXnSuiC5tMXYWkuzLi8JWt1NkBEzAKVysfICpT89Jnog7cIu4wbYwtZvhjlur6W7hZmaw/s1600/1db8725f9bc40d6f59e7eb279394ab2d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEmBrDRF7koyMdnCHdzk7cjr2QusbRiDKJ-KiUkWjQOOo0QXiAbO7sywE-gCaeTTnz5_ORnXXnSuiC5tMXYWkuzLi8JWt1NkBEzAKVysfICpT89Jnog7cIu4wbYwtZvhjlur6W7hZmaw/s320/1db8725f9bc40d6f59e7eb279394ab2d.jpg" width="226" /></a></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">The enemy seeks
to keep a man wounded. He is only out to kill, steal, & destroy- but even
more so when he knows how great the potential of this person for the Kingdom of
God. So when we fight in the spirit for someone who is kept wounded- the battle
is always intense. But when you serve the Warrior King, you have no fear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">In 2013, I asked
for the greatest warrior angels in heaven to surround a man shielding any new
arrows from the enemy and dealing with the ones presently wounding him. That
same vision was brought back today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">I stand
grateful that God has taught my heart what is greater than the things here on
earth or the things done to me- and teaches me still how to contend for
someone’s heart & soul. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Be alert- be
present- watch… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-78639742634476992432016-12-09T08:57:00.005-08:002016-12-09T08:57:41.066-08:00life & death<div class="MsoNormal">
Today- I was reminded of the feeling when someone you love
is ripped away from you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The knot in the pit of your stomach tightens… leaving a
nauseous unsettled feeling brewing inside you… when every breath hurts &
every thought ends with a question mark<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All things inside of you want to scream… yell… cry… panic…
grasp for control…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pondering life in general as a slew of emotions invade your
mind…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We never know when our last moments with a person might be-
whether taken by force, death, illness, or choice… the result is still the same<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No matter how much preparation you have… the result is still
the same<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No matter how much time you have with them… the result is
still the same<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We live each day- up and down, ebs and flow, ins and outs…
mostly by routine because we are creatures of habit<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We take for granted those that we have around us, those we
love, those we care about, those we encounter & interact with-
intentionally or unintentionally <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe God, our Creator, made us to be intential people,
not meant to be alone or without fellowship of others, or without love. But we
forfeited our right to have continual fellowship & love forever with people
when we Fell. But His plan superseded all things… all imagination… all
knowledge… all understanding<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We get to ponder these things & more but never get the
answer till our allotted time which only One knows. We attempt to spend every
waking moment with those we love but all coming to the same end. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We avoid… we shut it out… we “think about it tomorrow”… but
what if it’s too late?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a health care provider I see death almost every day- if
its not immediate then it is coming soon. We have no borrowed time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can become callused to death- lacking
compassion some might say. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What they don’t know is that we just cant take another
death. Like a miner chipping away at the earth- each death chips a little more
off the heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when these moments that I spoke of in the beginning
come, we are stopped dead in our tracks- trying to hold it together, trying to
calm the questions, the unanswered questions as we face families- faces-
children- mothers- fathers- husbands- wives… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We fight death so often for life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the reality is- the only certainty of
life is death, and the only certainty of death is answered with a question…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That feeling in the pit of my stomach increases as a
reminder to be intential with those people we come into contact with everyday.
What if this is their last moments of life? What if death is just a moment away
for them? What does that change for you- how does the thought change your
approach, your speech, your questions… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do we love people, who may not be the kindest, but whose
moments might be their last… because after all… the only certainty of life is
death, and the only certainty of death is answered with a question…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you really know Him?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-71446324008939591862016-11-02T18:18:00.004-07:002016-11-02T19:06:40.943-07:00Albania Bound<div class="MsoNormal">
Well- it is very short notice, but I am off again to travel
the world. This time God has sent me with an amazing medical team to Albania.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are probably wondering where that is- I know I did….
Albania is wedged in the middle of Montenegro, Kosovo, Macedonia, & Greece…
you know, right on the Mediterranean. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hard life… I know<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am traveling with a medical team consisting of 7-8 doctors
& dentists, 4 nurses, 1 dental assistant, a life coach, & a few other
supporting members. We are volunteering with the Christian Medical & Dental
Association , for their Albania fund. We will be teaching nursing & medical
Albania students. Our focus is “How to Save a Life.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Work has been so busy here in Lancaster that my excitement
hasn’t hit with full force yet. Come Thursday evening… it will settle in!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My dear friend Cyndy is heading up the nursing team. One of
my best friends, Becki, will be traveling & teaching along side me. Both of
these women of God, I am very honored & privileged to serve the Lord with
overseas. My heart is overwhelmed with joy at what God will present to us in
this time together. I look forward to connecting with the other ladies on our
team in this way & watching what God does through us & in us while we
are in Albania. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am always astonished at how God continues to call me to
areas of need, not just in my own workplace & country, but also to others.
I am grateful that He continues to fulfill His promise to me that He made when
I was a 10 year old girl. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We will be flying out of Dulles airport on Tuesday, November
8<sup>th</sup>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yep… voting day! We will be arrive the next day in Tirana,
Albania. From there we will meet up with the full team & Albania’s hosting
us & make our way to Durres on the coast of Albania!!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pictures are beautiful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR_nD3j9p2bAkBjvTbCFi2N6qM9FrXp7U4SZyGeD62hO9Gpws7HKiqutDYlZyWv-ixC4f9hOTCLSO5KUCFx2hxlnJyh6IYY4C96n62rb7AInUsufN_HA2jO0GrYJHSDGxCUR3lvxCR9Zo/s1600/19115f5f6d358d49219afde895fdd0e1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR_nD3j9p2bAkBjvTbCFi2N6qM9FrXp7U4SZyGeD62hO9Gpws7HKiqutDYlZyWv-ixC4f9hOTCLSO5KUCFx2hxlnJyh6IYY4C96n62rb7AInUsufN_HA2jO0GrYJHSDGxCUR3lvxCR9Zo/s320/19115f5f6d358d49219afde895fdd0e1.jpg" width="312" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am asking for prayer as we prep & travel. Albania is
primarily an Islamic country. Please pray with us in God opportunities &
conversations. The students are thrilled to have us come- so I am hopeful of
much time spent getting to know the students & their stories. All to say- I
know God will work through our own stories & the time we have with these
precious people. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are on a short trip this visit- we will be returning
Monday, November 14<sup>th</sup>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will be paying the cost of the trip- so if you are
interested in supporting me financially, you can send a check to me directly or
you can donate at <u>www.albanianhealthfund.org</u> click on donate- fill out the info- & in
the comments you can put “donate towards April Leonard’s mission trip.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have any questions, please ask them via email or
text. I will update periodically while we are there, but a full update will be
when I return. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Thank you for supporting my & the team with your prayers
& also financially. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-40950739577460766512016-04-30T08:38:00.004-07:002016-04-30T08:38:52.496-07:00failure<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
I recently had the experience of being called a failure as a nurse. This is the second time in my life & almost 10 year career as a nurse to be called a failure. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY1Ft8RpcVoM9D8q38Cr0kqui5gT2hxNISjCPFncn_GgZA2yp7D6I65CtR5uM4iS_jzRxh-5feVKrPBkRHl8c-NT18eN-ozlPnFhf3QhesNPkSn89qcwCcA6wQL4OTscGmrJVuz98xMgs/s1600/932d824dce0f4ec37615ba94ef9981da.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY1Ft8RpcVoM9D8q38Cr0kqui5gT2hxNISjCPFncn_GgZA2yp7D6I65CtR5uM4iS_jzRxh-5feVKrPBkRHl8c-NT18eN-ozlPnFhf3QhesNPkSn89qcwCcA6wQL4OTscGmrJVuz98xMgs/s200/932d824dce0f4ec37615ba94ef9981da.jpg" width="134" /></a>As it sunk in through the rest of my shift, its roots kept growing deeper- doubts kept in- anger- frustration</div>
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No tears would fall that night- no words against the person would come out- it would be held inside where it festered.</div>
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As the next morning woke me, I quickly discovered the same feeling & emotions were still lingering. </div>
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as I opened my devotional- I remember being desperate for something to help me- I prayed... "Lord, You see my heart & You see the stain that one person's words have left on me. Help me up from this hit."</div>
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Mark 6:3-4 "Is this not the carpenter, the Son of Mary, and brother s James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? And are not His sisters here with us? So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house."</div>
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With tears streaming down my face- I saw it-- I felt it--- God had wrapped His loving arms around me & just held me there, reminding me that Jesus, in his home town with his own siblings was no honored or accepted. What a comfort in knowing that He knows exactly how I feel.</div>
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He reminded me that I will not do things perfectly, I will make mistakes, but I am no failure. </div>
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Jesus kept after what He knew His purpose was while on Earth- it doesn't mean it didn't hurt or that He didn't feel the emotions we feel. But He held on tight to His Father because He knew it would all work out- that He would succeed & do the most amazing thing in the world. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-87128308538346350602016-04-03T19:30:00.000-07:002016-04-03T19:30:00.297-07:00fighting flesh<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
I was recently asked... "does dating a man that isn't completely devoted to God scare you? Because you have been hurt in a past relationship with a man who was not devoted to God? But you know that God is a person that will never let you down- so therefore you seek that in a man?"</div>
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I thought a moment</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoXAsb1CB5aw_YiVFQhMbMY7SO52eJQW-dTDBFIY5mHqbdTgiJx-wHMmjwn8zX2Bzk5ZQF2PIB6s9tVCHxVIkM6mqOVM0QDvAfbZ3jG75OgjFLGH9gcZLTL8_DRNmOkxG8e-oae6O2Zig/s1600/ce8e96b872d620ebc8d6c0aef9dabe26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoXAsb1CB5aw_YiVFQhMbMY7SO52eJQW-dTDBFIY5mHqbdTgiJx-wHMmjwn8zX2Bzk5ZQF2PIB6s9tVCHxVIkM6mqOVM0QDvAfbZ3jG75OgjFLGH9gcZLTL8_DRNmOkxG8e-oae6O2Zig/s200/ce8e96b872d620ebc8d6c0aef9dabe26.jpg" width="200" /></a>my response... Yes</div>
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It had never been verbalized or asked of me in that manner- but that was it. </div>
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Was this a fear? yes but more of a choice of a way of life. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_GqTtJX-pHQDvy8um0AiZmZmJHGwAPR4snTzYQ_KBvqUhT5295tgpu2XkeCXaOZInC-UOfPcncN0xktbaUxRgm81_iBtbFhRrIQmNuAyE-iz1Ry63BY8gkVOsu_XVuLqQaMUkBoehR8U/s1600/89e6132eabf31d5131b4d2784eabce0e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_GqTtJX-pHQDvy8um0AiZmZmJHGwAPR4snTzYQ_KBvqUhT5295tgpu2XkeCXaOZInC-UOfPcncN0xktbaUxRgm81_iBtbFhRrIQmNuAyE-iz1Ry63BY8gkVOsu_XVuLqQaMUkBoehR8U/s200/89e6132eabf31d5131b4d2784eabce0e.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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I fight my flesh everyday</div>
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fighting to beat back the tendencies to be judgmental or let anything come out of my mouth or lacking compassion or kindness. to live and do whatever it is I want. </div>
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That is not my way of living any longer</div>
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I have chosen to live a different life. To be a different person. And that- I am. </div>
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I have fought within myself over the last 3-4 weeks about online dating or dating in general. Do I? Don't I? now? later? The answer came clearly as I began to have the increased longing inside to not be alone- to seek companionship- to feel the full affects of loneliness- lack love & admiration of a man. All those things and more I desire very strongly. I want to be in relationship. I desire it. </div>
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It was like waking up startled & frightened. If I seek it out now... it will not be in His timing or with the right frame of mind. </div>
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A sigh of relief left me</div>
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There was no rush. He wasn't rushing- so why would I?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAHcZxsEV-5gSF3o0zpIo_KqT0XWZ4OBYiFDMsEJ0iUu35fUmOf6XfNHhFP0M6yi55ky2ju7lTZsO49Y8rFxGPVB80RNzDFsVs5cdNNpnrW8zMogqkCE84E31MjrEGX5A7CXiObjonagE/s1600/0793f096a4b1a7e7ddfc9b9af2b09c8a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAHcZxsEV-5gSF3o0zpIo_KqT0XWZ4OBYiFDMsEJ0iUu35fUmOf6XfNHhFP0M6yi55ky2ju7lTZsO49Y8rFxGPVB80RNzDFsVs5cdNNpnrW8zMogqkCE84E31MjrEGX5A7CXiObjonagE/s320/0793f096a4b1a7e7ddfc9b9af2b09c8a.jpg" width="213" /></a>Then I heard it- God is stabilizing you in this season. </div>
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That's it</div>
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If I enter into a relationship prematurely- without a stable foundation, not talking of just a foundation in Him but- in which He is healing me, suring up my foundation in Him, mending my broken heart, & rewiring my way to love & be loved by another- I will only be filling the void. </div>
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It was said perfectly in a sermon... "He is stabilizing my emotions, my commitment, my ambition, my relationships, & my BELIF in Him."</div>
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I want the <span style="text-decoration: underline;">more</span> He has promised me. And that <span style="text-decoration: underline;">more</span>- I am willing to wait for. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-91611172188329867362016-03-22T21:03:00.005-07:002016-03-22T21:03:47.807-07:00unqualified<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
I heard his helpless scream down the hallway. As my eyes beheld the person making the awful noise that disturbed everyone on the hall, I felt pity for the man. both legs were removed leaving nothing but fresh stubs- his left hand consisted of a nub with an aged scar across it- his right hand had only 2 nubs for digits and an even older scar for a hand. As his eyes blankly stared at me and seemed to follow me or at least my voice- then I realized this poor man was blind to boot. My heart hurt for what he might be going through- but boy was he mean!</div>
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As I stood in attempt to console the man, as well as treat his extremely low blood sugar- it seemed hopeless… not in treating his low blood sugar but to appease the yelling and hateful attitude. </div>
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As we bantered back & forth- meeting his needs & him being thankful one moment, then not meeting his need to wake up his entire family via phone calls & want of chocolate (for an uncontrolled diabetic)- I was called every name in the book. It all seemed to bounce off after being a nurse after so many years. nothing personal- I remind myself. he is just scared & lashing out- I repeat it with every harsh word. </div>
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As his next comment came out… I was blank. Almost 10 years of nursing & I had yet to hear this one. It made me stop. It made me think. </div>
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“You are unqualified to be a nurse.”</div>
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I brushed it off. Never thought of it till tonight in conversation with a friend. </div>
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Again, it made me stop- think…</div>
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Unqualified. </div>
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As I began reading my new book in the mail- I chuckled- when did I order this book & how funny the timing? My book, by Steven Furtick, was entitled <span style="font-kerning: none; text-decoration: underline;">(un)qualified: how God uses broken people to do big things</span>.</div>
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The accused words by the man replayed in my mind… "What to you sir, makes me unqualified to care for you tonight? Because according to the State of Pennsylvania & the Army- they believe I am highly qualified to care for you. As well as this facility that you willingly came to. Plus, I am very confident that I am highly qualified to care for you as your nurse tonight.</div>
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His response was- well that’s for me to know & you to find out.</div>
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I laughed. </div>
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I laugh even now- but with slight hesitation. </div>
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Am i qualified? </div>
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My question doesn't challenge my ability or degree or knowledge or skill— its much deeper than that. I know that I am qualified to be a nurse and am confident that I am a good nurse & enjoy what I do. But am I qualified to do the other things in life? </div>
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With the start of each day, the battle ensues- barely noticeable at first, till by the end of the day, it is full on internal fight for life</div>
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fighting feelings of inadequacy- insufficiency</div>
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what if I fail? what if my failures shipwreck others along the way?</div>
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then I read it… “it’s about understanding who we really are now in order to be who we are capable of becoming. it’s about ruthlessly peeling back the prejudices & assumptions we’ve made about ourselves. It’s about letting God be our source of sufficiency.”</div>
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my inward struggle</div>
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not what others think of me- I could really care less about that. </div>
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It is about what I think of me. </div>
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I continued to read. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixSYQ0rfKklBxzJeWFNbfY15h-iNXx9h4ktNBpOhKqYl9QStHVRBX9YgaTHL6iNRQ_esc1cUx0deX53bEZPnQec33Tu-izVwGeOAA3Itswtjx9z_VDw0094r3v6R8NQj0kQTTWECcZCe0/s1600/d3438623afed16558abdd4f18778d185.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixSYQ0rfKklBxzJeWFNbfY15h-iNXx9h4ktNBpOhKqYl9QStHVRBX9YgaTHL6iNRQ_esc1cUx0deX53bEZPnQec33Tu-izVwGeOAA3Itswtjx9z_VDw0094r3v6R8NQj0kQTTWECcZCe0/s320/d3438623afed16558abdd4f18778d185.gif" width="213" /></a>“We tend to qualify people based on character & competency. Character refers to who we are & competency refers to what we do. Our competency is usually much more at the forefront that our character. It is so intricately connected to our identity that we often think it is our identity.” </div>
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Did you hear that???</div>
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How do you view yourself, April?</div>
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My identity </div>
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What makes me April</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
As I began to list things- it felt awkward… selfish… conceited… then I heard, "But I view you as these things, April"</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
I sighed </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
If I pray for Him to help me view others as He views them & love others as He loves them, would He not be excited for me to ask the same for myself? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
I am unqualified in life & love & job, but I know who qualifies me everyday- especially to do nursing.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
So… how do I let God be my source of sufficiency day in & day out- before the battle begins? </div>
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
I’ll begin where He first taught me</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-85857994097543903172016-02-21T09:19:00.001-08:002016-02-21T09:19:27.009-08:00emunah<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">What
creates the contentment you feel?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I
was asked that question in counseling one afternoon. And I have thought of it
daily for a month. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">What
creates the contentment I feel?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR-9UO9YH8Pkg7IwndqdtE57JDRVsxMW0JvD_E_g1I1uxqKf7Lq471XXzYeUpUT1O_cQz7vrSkSq1A6cW__stI-7grN3RSsod7OOZbbIveaWSCSXw9lUqleIIXZ9ZuYNzcir_7wzT20jU/s1600/f6d2c4d4c4e6a5d3c6f8cfce01de6a74.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR-9UO9YH8Pkg7IwndqdtE57JDRVsxMW0JvD_E_g1I1uxqKf7Lq471XXzYeUpUT1O_cQz7vrSkSq1A6cW__stI-7grN3RSsod7OOZbbIveaWSCSXw9lUqleIIXZ9ZuYNzcir_7wzT20jU/s320/f6d2c4d4c4e6a5d3c6f8cfce01de6a74.jpg" width="216" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Contentment:
t<span style="color: #010f18;">o show willingness, be pleased, determine,
undertake (to do anything)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #010f18; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">The question was asked after choosing to walk away from the one
thing I thought I wanted. When I chose & verbalized to God that “he” was
not what I wanted, the weight was lifted- a freedom was present- & my
spirit stood on the firmest Rock. I began to walk forward in complete freedom
& knowing what I did want more than anything was God & His tangible
presence in my life daily. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #010f18; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Emunah is the seal on my arm and actions being played before my
very eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">As
I looked at the definition & pondered… I asked God- how do I answer this?
Am I really content? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">With
each passing day, I realized He was leading me into contentment. For the first
time in my life I could honestly say I was walking in contentment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Every
morning I wake up- slightly frightened this content feeling will disappear- but
it has not yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">What
about my life- situation- goals- frustrations- state of being- has me content?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I
should be the farthest thing from content<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">But
this is how I know God has me in held here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">A
picture of Shulamite woman comes to mind. She was at one point locked in the
garden & did not like it. But once she left the garden, on her own will,
she soon realized what a wonderful place it was. To be in the safe keeping,
security, beauty, sweet fragrance, loving place with her Beloved. When she lost
that and realized it- she panicked. Searching high and low for her Beloved-
unable to find Him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">He
found her- right where she was, picked her up, and carried her back to His
garden. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">His
mercy for me everyday is in so much abundance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">He
was arms opened wide when I came running to Him. I want to be in that garden
with my Beloved till the day this earthly body dies. Then to be with Him for
eternity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">So
my contentment comes from the Lord. From a place where I know the daily grind
will get frustrating or I will become impatient or dissatisfied or tired or
wanting. But being content in whatever situation life presents happens by being
content with God having control, leading you, & trusting that He is there
& engaged in every little detail. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I
may not be where my 5-10 year plan had projected- but I am in a better place
than what I envisioned. I may not be married, but divorced in fact or have any
children on the way or have a big house for my entire family to come stay for
holidays or be traveling on missions consistently or be the soccer mom driving
a mini-van or have my masters… but what I do have & would
give ALL things up for is the love & joy & active presence of God in my
life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I
remember when my first nephew was born- Isaac. I was sitting with my husband at
the time on my brothers couch in South Carolina. I was watching my brother and
his wife (my amazing sister in law) interacting with their first born. We were
packed in their small side of the trailer along with all the furniture which
wasn’t much at that point. They had no money and what seemed like no direction
or career or goals. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">“He”
& I had money, the house, the cars, the careers, the friends, the stuff,
the ability to travel wherever and whenever- but we lacked one thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">My
brother and his new family had selfless love. They had joy. They had the active
presence of God, daily. Even though they had trouble & fights &
difficulties- they had what I desired so greatly, but just didn’t know how to
get it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">My
life is nothing like I thought it would be… it is better!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-83992423087608599972016-02-16T20:45:00.004-08:002016-02-16T20:45:51.667-08:00Lion Arise<div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ri08cT1exRdKXg3f2b4QLjJ2_csS9gZQD_ij7cxvnV_DGsNcBNrnkWJnkKdHzPDupzuGIaQXdf6TxfVURkVM3eI0iXFH4-8X9riUgcItlnfGGjqZMUfQWt_qqyA9cOp_PXjckQ_gF-g/s1600/75f4fa2c7ae4738ebf4c5235da5e4e5e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ri08cT1exRdKXg3f2b4QLjJ2_csS9gZQD_ij7cxvnV_DGsNcBNrnkWJnkKdHzPDupzuGIaQXdf6TxfVURkVM3eI0iXFH4-8X9riUgcItlnfGGjqZMUfQWt_qqyA9cOp_PXjckQ_gF-g/s320/75f4fa2c7ae4738ebf4c5235da5e4e5e.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
Tonight as I was talking with my mom about how I felt inside with the lack of his call or response after so long- I honestly said- "I feel free, lacking nothing. My decision- I stick with- God is who I chose until He allows someone to walk along side, in step with Us. <div>
<br /><div>
I began to explain how some similar feelings from when my life was in a waiting period for my "husband" to now when thinking about my ex-husband... I felt sad. I actually cried in anger. </div>
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<div>
As my life has continued & blossomed into God's original design, my prayers for this man have changed, yet stayed the same. Reconciliation to God- to see his full potential as Christ designed him. To see- to hear- to know the love of God.</div>
<div>
My anger is a righteous anger- one that comes with the passion in a heart that is yielded toward God & therefore angry at the things that anger Him. </div>
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I think of what the enemy has tried to accomplish & I laugh! </div>
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You have no hold on me- You have stolen nothing from me! You do not win... remember?!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I hear him taunt me saying, "but your marriage is demolished & ruined. you are alone. and I have him. he is mine."</div>
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<br /></div>
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I have pondered on that. </div>
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Is he his?</div>
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I was reminded by my mother tonight that he is not ignorant of the Truth. He does know and believe. </div>
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And we know- the purpose of all of this was to bring you (april) into right alignment with God, as well as him too. Our greatest weapon & most effective job is to pray for him as He desires. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
As my tears of anger rolled down my cheeks- I explained that I was angry at what the enemy had done & how he holds ever so tightly on what does not belong to him</div>
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I may not be able to make him see or say the words to change his mind or be able to do anything in this realm... BUT... I will pray!</div>
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<br /></div>
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Mom saw the Lion rise as I spoke of my anger <b>for</b> him. </div>
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The Lion rises. </div>
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His anger is very present. </div>
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He is coming to take back what is His. </div>
He is coming!<br />
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<br /></div>
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As I picture the Lion, I am at peace. </div>
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It is no ironic fate that my new study is Lioness Arising...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEzITNCgzWtzxgIILtyF0H3XwyO5WaTz3dtyp09XI8AH_39K82ZoiSBkYwzXl66-Y3Li5dzZ8Rqhjmnyl0CpXTB9iLBHGwijNa2dy6gBxwOYJUVQtTFPC6eTtkJGY3SpP2bPkRqD6DuDg/s1600/855e7e4cd282c6d9431c99165ff6dd6c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEzITNCgzWtzxgIILtyF0H3XwyO5WaTz3dtyp09XI8AH_39K82ZoiSBkYwzXl66-Y3Li5dzZ8Rqhjmnyl0CpXTB9iLBHGwijNa2dy6gBxwOYJUVQtTFPC6eTtkJGY3SpP2bPkRqD6DuDg/s320/855e7e4cd282c6d9431c99165ff6dd6c.jpg" width="210" /></a></div>
<div>
I am excited to see what God does with this Lioness as He teaches her to rise </div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-38704780031662682232016-02-11T21:07:00.002-08:002016-02-11T21:08:30.645-08:00mcdonald moment to remember<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2v1fd33fHcNRdt19zHgHwiPNA01ReRo3e1V6cTzZtbE2RictUINuKLhKAhYMAXAlwqTrveZA5fqY6V9ltIGzm4by92Zz1QqQ1P2KN-Fx3BNeIlgUA0Cfd4r9wm4vqjnWbd_9AWzJmlMg/s1600/c685f6972f505703f2ebcb2c4ee4b0d3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2v1fd33fHcNRdt19zHgHwiPNA01ReRo3e1V6cTzZtbE2RictUINuKLhKAhYMAXAlwqTrveZA5fqY6V9ltIGzm4by92Zz1QqQ1P2KN-Fx3BNeIlgUA0Cfd4r9wm4vqjnWbd_9AWzJmlMg/s200/c685f6972f505703f2ebcb2c4ee4b0d3.jpg" width="200" /></a>The drive thru was packed, so I parked the car to get my sweet tea fix. Smart business plan located this McDonalds next to a high school... wish I had thought of that.<br />
<div>
As I walked in- I was shocked at how busy it was. Packed with high schoolers of all ages- races- sizes- & walks of like. I couldn't quite find where the line began- so as I was asking others if they were waiting to order, I became very aware that I was the oldest person in the building. </div>
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I was a little caught off guard that I had to wait for my "order" to be filled (aka... pass me a large sweet tea cup)- but I wasn't put off by this. </div>
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As I waited- I watched- I listened. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
small children, on their own, being led by just slightly older children</div>
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despite the cold and windy weather... provocative clothing</div>
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foul language I have only heard from infantry men & sailors</div>
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disrespect of each other</div>
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name calling</div>
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a young confused kid power walk thru the crowd shoving each person in his way- he arrived at the counter & began yelling at the worker about his fries not being "hot"- he started throwing them at her- a manager walked up to help- the fries thrown at her- comments made from him to her & right back at him. he reached in a box near the counter to grab sauce packets & threw them at them. once he got his now "hot" fries- he turned and loudly called out someone's name then pushing his way thru the waiting crowd to get to another person to begin calling them names & talking about a party this weekend. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOCrC58ezY0aQHEBWY0uTVPV_7LLztnCvkHVfwZraOPx-aj4k2tItXbzBr50z6Be9UNg-FStlpILKWRztxqHx_MpkF4_YKOQspaaBZ9kXIqQGkxJ4gvTd7uiGHFPiTUAuhh_pPHB3yTTg/s1600/3b62988af4f08d2a11cbea3e85a0a801.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOCrC58ezY0aQHEBWY0uTVPV_7LLztnCvkHVfwZraOPx-aj4k2tItXbzBr50z6Be9UNg-FStlpILKWRztxqHx_MpkF4_YKOQspaaBZ9kXIqQGkxJ4gvTd7uiGHFPiTUAuhh_pPHB3yTTg/s1600/3b62988af4f08d2a11cbea3e85a0a801.jpg" /></a>Homosexuality was written over most of these children</div>
<div>
fingers snapping for people to pay attention to them or look them in the eyes or to be quiet or name calling to get someone's attention</div>
<div>
It's Sodom & Gomorra- but worse!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I could see the life-sucking figures- nail sunken deep- attached to them... they turned and look at me- "these are ours!" they screeched </div>
<div>
more and more kept pouring in the doors</div>
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I felt the place getting smaller </div>
<div>
I filled my cup </div>
<div>
I excused myself as I was walking through the place, not to run into anyone- smiling the whole way- even though my heart was heavy</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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As I walked to my car... deep breath... </div>
<div>
The tears began as I closed my car door. </div>
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"God- this is what You have to work with? This is the next generation? OH God!!!"</div>
<div>
All my thoughts went to what I had just witnessed... it has reached our children... what are we to do?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I felt broken hearted and overwhelming sadness as I thought of these children- any child in this day & age. This is just one building in a medium size city, and this is mild Im sure. </div>
<div>
I cried out to Him... "Thank You that You are so much bigger & greater than my little mind. This is too much for me to hold. God- you love these children- each one- they are not too far gone- help them find You. Help them turn away from the world & see what is eternal & good & righteous. Help this next generation. Help us!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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I sat in silence for a while... sobbing </div>
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As I drove to the elementary school to get the Boy, I prayed, "let me see You here. Lighten my heart but not to forget what I saw."</div>
<div>
I had watched the seriousness of these teachers before. Radios- name tags in the cars for kids- ID's of people picking them up- no child without an escort or known destination. It was a work of elementary school dismissal art.</div>
<div>
Near the buses, a teacher loudly commented to a child walking out of the building with her parent... "Miss Amy, your valentines box is most beautiful." A smile was plastered across this little girls face as she walked proudly out with her mom & highly decorated and bedazzled box in hand. </div>
<div>
my heart melted</div>
<div>
In the office they checked my ID and called over the radio for the Boy. I again found myself watching...</div>
<div>
a small boy holding the door for a parent</div>
<div>
the 6 girls in the office with their moms were so full of life & laughter & excitement talking about who gave which valentine & their favorite</div>
<div>
the older girl using the overhead mic to announce the next bus number release for the children- she walked with such pride with her yellow hall vest through the door to watch the children being released and filling the awaiting bus</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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I was trying to hold my tears back standing, watching, waiting, listening</div>
<div>
the Boy and his new black mustache walked in & was surprised but smiling to see me</div>
<div>
my heart leapt at the this sight- peace and innocence </div>
<div>
"God- there is hope that not all is lost. Thank You for this reminder."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My mind raced as we drove to the park. </div>
<div>
How can I make a difference?</div>
<div>
Maybe I won't be a mom. It really doesn't matter if I bear flesh. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
For the second time in my life- a picture of older children flashed through- these kids were in my care- they saw me a their parent- did not call me mom, but friend, elder, respectful & loving protector. </div>
<div>
There are tons of kids that are "not wanted" due to their age... maybe these kids are meant to be mine. I can remember God promising to open wide my tents- actually that they would be busting at the tent pegs... </div>
<div>
I receive Your call to protect & pray for these kids. And if You give some into my keeping- I will do as You want. </div>
<div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbbqfTMfobpFxrxI384ZwfRwy9x7S-gZTAQ9Qqn3aSEWK4jRYj8JGtV71yEEyonP2guBVvdZMrZ-3Z18dbGw0XEDUfuYwzlk5KlVGl-s7V3IgCVsNX9apb2ZKALVuR_DiUCJhIvPVQNM/s1600/a3826fe7a162dbc26baa8c09313d9485.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbbqfTMfobpFxrxI384ZwfRwy9x7S-gZTAQ9Qqn3aSEWK4jRYj8JGtV71yEEyonP2guBVvdZMrZ-3Z18dbGw0XEDUfuYwzlk5KlVGl-s7V3IgCVsNX9apb2ZKALVuR_DiUCJhIvPVQNM/s320/a3826fe7a162dbc26baa8c09313d9485.jpg" width="320" /></a>We are to teach our children what it means to love God, to love others, to live not of this world but of eternity. We are responsible for the changing of the atmosphere- the rewiring of their precious minds that will one day impact the world in ways we do not know. </div>
<div>
Lord, when You are ready- I will receive the children You bring. I will love them & teach them as You have loved & taught me. Thank You for laying this heavy on my heart. And I am thankful that You love the children & say come. That You have not given up on us yet. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-32903645329853904282016-02-04T21:22:00.001-08:002016-02-04T21:25:11.770-08:00less or moreIt is like the zoom out button was being pushed<br />
<div>
I could see the back & top of my head, </div>
<div>
the bar I was sitting at, the sushi I was eating, </div>
<div>
the people sitting at the other end of the bar, & </div>
<div>
the bar tender</div>
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I suddenly became very aware of how quiet the noise around us had gotten & how in-tune I become of our conversation</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigMpV-ET3w0UByMTuUQ0sa4m3pTvBphUetn1P5fr3L0RNbWVQVangThORzOezQcytxGQl9GNsH1KuTIOey_zz1VedFoIXzDy30QNgYiT5cVxxlpwlA-ULbnS1e375cVCjqrcq15gyBkwk/s1600/601bcd6b608ddce6d3bc0b3bdb4193d4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigMpV-ET3w0UByMTuUQ0sa4m3pTvBphUetn1P5fr3L0RNbWVQVangThORzOezQcytxGQl9GNsH1KuTIOey_zz1VedFoIXzDy30QNgYiT5cVxxlpwlA-ULbnS1e375cVCjqrcq15gyBkwk/s320/601bcd6b608ddce6d3bc0b3bdb4193d4.jpg" width="320" /></a>I had been praying all week that I would be aware of what was being said or talked about at our dinner this week</div>
<div>
I wanted to see things as they really were & how he really was </div>
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I want wisdom & clarity</div>
<div>
so as the tuning in began- I was not surprised but relieved.</div>
<div>
"You never leave me & You are not slow in answer my prayers. Your timing is perfect & I thank You for allowing this strange yet amazing moment to occur."</div>
<div>
he was doing so well in life- the money, the job, the house, the travel, the friends, the social life, the dog, the memories, the girls, the sex... yet there was an emptiness to his answers. </div>
<div>
Knowing what the emptiness was & who wanted to fill it... I found myself very sad</div>
<div>
My heart was saddened further as I had to lead the conversations and ask questions of him or his life or his job or old memories from our past & his... </div>
<div>
Why was it not reciprocated? Why did I not feel myself? Why could I not talk about the things my heart desired so much to talk about- especially with him? Why couldn't I tell him what God had done in my life & with me? Why couldn't I speak about who I was?</div>
<div>
As we walked to his place- we were met with a wet wiggly creature, very happy to see us. As we sat and watched ESPN in silence... my heart continued to be saddened. </div>
<div>
I looked around and felt an even deeper emptiness. </div>
<div>
I was tired and somewhat broken down by what I was in the midst of. </div>
<div>
I left feeling empty & cold.</div>
<div>
I immediately laid it out before God the moment I sat in my car. </div>
<div>
"Well- You let me see things clearly, thank Yo for that. why is this so difficult? Is this what You have for me? Is this what You want for me?"</div>
<div>
My question was once again met with the same question as weeks prior... "Is this what YOU want, April?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
silence</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
a few days pass & I was faced with the life changing decision I knew had been coming my way.</div>
<div>
It didn't look like I expected but I was painfully aware of its existence. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Is this what YOU want, April?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Moments before this, I had spent what felt like wasted energy on responding to someone who was trying to shake every decision I had made in my life. Why I chose to get married in the first place- why I chose the military- my daddy issues- my mother issues- my decision to go all in with God & each decision made recently as I laid them before God & waited- my divorce- my lack of contentment & (what they thought) happiness- my dog- my house- my passion for missions & travel- my nursing career- my choice of state to live in</div>
<div>
all creating a slow rise in my heart rate until the words- I hate God- came across the screen</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
tears welled up</div>
<div>
skin hot & red</div>
<div>
I was boiling with anger!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Just focus on getting out of work then you can loose yourself at His feet</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And the moment I stepped onto the pavement to my car... the tears and wails came</div>
<div>
I am not sure I have been so angry in all my life</div>
<div>
"God- do they know that they are the problem? They don't know how to love because they don't see Love as it truly is... YOU!</div>
<div>
They hate You & You have done nothing but love them & die for them. </div>
<div>
I dont understand. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to come Home."</div>
<div>
As I laid before His throne- unable to speak or pray.. moans & tears were all I had for my Daddy. </div>
<div>
I saw Him get up from His mighty throne, kneel down to cover me, wrapping me in His arms... His hand catching ever tear. </div>
<div>
As I laid there being held by my Father, it grew so silent & still... the intensity of His love was overflowing</div>
<div>
I didn't want it to end!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvA37jvhPjpu-7Xl82si09H-pektZ8FzmfdNHYhtwYFIvLXMsKVM-PlT07Hf2yXDBB4H6ua72gR3860X03GF6UZuNdDs_VoiYmsEpbK1ae0Iv5d7GA6pnyqoz4_6xqrFAstgjasOC79BU/s1600/f1f659698cf15b838a4220fab1143098.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvA37jvhPjpu-7Xl82si09H-pektZ8FzmfdNHYhtwYFIvLXMsKVM-PlT07Hf2yXDBB4H6ua72gR3860X03GF6UZuNdDs_VoiYmsEpbK1ae0Iv5d7GA6pnyqoz4_6xqrFAstgjasOC79BU/s320/f1f659698cf15b838a4220fab1143098.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I sat up. </div>
<div>
"This is who I am. I long for the moments that You break my heart for what breaks Yours. My heart yearns for Your presence. I am me because of You. You are in me & if I can't share that- I am nothing. I like who You have made me to be. I like who I am. God- if I can't be me... if I can't be who You have made me to be with a man- then I don't want him. I can't be myself with him... so I do not choose him."</div>
<div>
I heard God say so softly... "Really?!"</div>
<div>
"Yes God. This is not what I want. I want the more You have promised me."</div>
<div>
I felt my spirit stand tall- chin held high- I am choosing God, not the good- and even though I don't know and can't see it, I still choose it, because it is the best thing- a God thing. My spirit began to walk straight- focused- each step was planted firmly on the foundation- freedom pulsing through me</div>
<div>
I want more- I want God</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I felt God hushing the angels in heaven to listen to my answer for the second time in my life. </div>
<div>
I moved His gaze- stopped His heartbeat for a moment... </div>
<div>
when you have tasted so sweet a love like this... there is no comparison in all the world</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He began to give me instructions after this </div>
<div>
"you can pray for him </div>
<div>
you can only love him-not like you have once before loved him, but only like I love him</div>
<div>
you must open your mouth & speak truth to him- it is no where else in his life but here</div>
<div>
you can be his friend- with walls like Jericho around you- no climbing out- no climbing in</div>
<div>
and lastly- you cannot wait for him. you must not wait on him. you must continue to move forward because I HAVE MORE FOR YOU!"</div>
<div>
He was direct- on a mission- and concise with each direction</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Life continues forward- better than the moment before it- more clear- more real- more beautiful...</div>
<div>
This was a piece of the more He had been talking about & there is MORE to come</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-66436729526869891342016-01-28T18:28:00.002-08:002016-01-28T18:28:24.567-08:00new year momentYou know those moments in life where you realize the moment you are in is what life is about...<br />
I had just said bye & happy new year to several people I loved as they were driving home.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBKCbQDIpVo-8sZt8F2e3SANeBSBYfz0Zjg5_wBwkaXnztHLic2vOYD19MYAUGgc12lL5DQITIcBaTa7JhYNUudCFB4obt94F1mfIGf2eXQG5QEjHSkWqV5oWJ6werKjLSK2OGdqbC4Xo/s1600/735da1d1e38802d2fca7109154db5857.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBKCbQDIpVo-8sZt8F2e3SANeBSBYfz0Zjg5_wBwkaXnztHLic2vOYD19MYAUGgc12lL5DQITIcBaTa7JhYNUudCFB4obt94F1mfIGf2eXQG5QEjHSkWqV5oWJ6werKjLSK2OGdqbC4Xo/s320/735da1d1e38802d2fca7109154db5857.jpg" width="276" /></a>The ball dropped and it was 2016.<br />
I knew this year was going to be different already- what God had in store was yet to be revealed- but I trust Him wholehearted.<br />
I can remember earlier in the week & even that night thinking- would it be more fun somewhere else or with this person or that person?<br />
But as I sat on the floor with my 2 favorite people, 2 very sleepy dogs, & Bible open.. I realized this was exactly where I wanted to be.<br />
We were starting the year differently... the first minutes into 2016 was spent reading Isaiah & listening to It is well with my soul.<br />
the presence of God was very thick & inviting- it made me very happy to be there<br />
<br />
we sat in the silence for a few minutes... then Austin spoke up<br />
"as the song was playing, I saw Jesus. He was dancing with the angels in heaven."<br />
His eyes filled with tears- he could do nothing but sob... "mom, it was SO beautiful!"<br />
all 3 of us were in tears at that point<br />
<br />
As I looked up- I thanked God.<br />
Thank You Lord for this moment. I would have forfeited it being anywhere else... but thank You for allowing me to see this moment in life that makes life worth living.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb8flFsOKJzBvjEv3IzUehBui7kWZRPbm-qnE-aUvHmEN02_JjurnsVReRJWD3jhmuWzWSyRwwX7wV3s_YkKLVxFw_-rXv9lYUVnlT2zvqZ_VqrPbsmnVw4lG9doZJ4VDZHSDdFoaMNR0/s1600/610c3a852cb38646b42557ac9a08228d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb8flFsOKJzBvjEv3IzUehBui7kWZRPbm-qnE-aUvHmEN02_JjurnsVReRJWD3jhmuWzWSyRwwX7wV3s_YkKLVxFw_-rXv9lYUVnlT2zvqZ_VqrPbsmnVw4lG9doZJ4VDZHSDdFoaMNR0/s320/610c3a852cb38646b42557ac9a08228d.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-13029032965356446082016-01-17T19:55:00.001-08:002016-01-17T19:55:15.604-08:00Forgiveness<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4QQfLBo5AsI4pkoljZbbCl1LlWVkrFzelIl7F6-hcTeJbEgOL-t9QtrdZI_dt41FIzu7xISWXd54m4u6Gpz7kbN9rfHCsnoHE6deyJMhZMUmcLhuARzNHEqprVqcieMGpHYnZWGXrbwM/s1600/8b9e5f76902fc72434986fd6190cab6c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4QQfLBo5AsI4pkoljZbbCl1LlWVkrFzelIl7F6-hcTeJbEgOL-t9QtrdZI_dt41FIzu7xISWXd54m4u6Gpz7kbN9rfHCsnoHE6deyJMhZMUmcLhuARzNHEqprVqcieMGpHYnZWGXrbwM/s1600/8b9e5f76902fc72434986fd6190cab6c.jpg" /></a>I never thought I would be staring it in the face- I thought it was over- I thought his chance was done. I honestly thought I would never see him again.<br />
But with God there are a million second chances- and that is what I was looking dead in the face.<br />
Do you remember the prayers your prayed<br />
the tears you cried that were silent prayers<br />
the moans from the depths of your being crying out to God for mercy, for help.<br />
If I did not remember them, He would remind me over the next few days, weeks, months.<br />
I thought I had forgiven him<br />
I had worked so hard over the last 2 years to forgive and move forward. And I thought I had... But He thought otherwise.<br />
The text was there- how do I respond God? what do I say?<br />
Help me Lord!<br />
All i felt and heard within me was... be kind & forgiving<br />
<br />
As I opened my bible study booklet the next day, the title stared me in the face.<br />
Forgiveness.<br />
<br />
Okay God- I hear what you are wanting me to walk through.<br />
How?<br />
His response... just watch & be willing!<br />
<br />
I began learning just what it means when God forgives me. The slate is clean.<br />
He teaches me from my weak sin moments, of course, but He no longer holds those accounts against me.<br />
How is this humanly possible God? How do I do this when so many hurts have been done? I desire to forgive & forget, but how do I do it?<br />
Just watch & be willing!<br />
<br />
He led me to multiple scriptures over the next few days. And I was soaking in every word He would give me. Yearned to hear what He had to say- how to respond- what to do- how to even breath.<br />
I remember this place not so long ago- as if i was repeating time over again.<br />
but with a different feeling this time... a different purpose<br />
A peace- a freedom- a knowing that no matter what, I was right where I needed to be... being held together in my Daddy's arms.<br />
<br />
Isaiah 43:18-19 "forget the old history. Be alert. Watch. I have already begun a new thing."<br />
<br />
This is what you have pressed upon my heart.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglflp4mAA9QMdS7dtawnNi8s8TOVyK_b0xwwRWttNQPltNoorMv_JcPzyqZZSmUcwItJsKhiMFpCeItV2RwVxj_57c9TFQgNMNtA1PAdzz1jCH3174mvRfIeQZM2JOXXOgJY9KZHFrZHc/s1600/0338fee907033be8e1c7355e0ee23c1c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglflp4mAA9QMdS7dtawnNi8s8TOVyK_b0xwwRWttNQPltNoorMv_JcPzyqZZSmUcwItJsKhiMFpCeItV2RwVxj_57c9TFQgNMNtA1PAdzz1jCH3174mvRfIeQZM2JOXXOgJY9KZHFrZHc/s1600/0338fee907033be8e1c7355e0ee23c1c.jpg" /></a>to forgive & forget... because love is patient and kind, it is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, it does not demand its own way, it is not irritable, it keeps no record of being wronged, it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out, it never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.<br />
<br />
This is how His love is to me<br />
If I could only imitate just a small portion of this to those around me, how different I would be<br />
<br />
This is what He asked of me... to love others<br />
I believe if God thinks he is worth being forgiven, then I will obey<br />
<br />
what has been amazing over the last few weeks is the freedom that I feel<br />
I know without a doubt that, no matter what happens, I can walk away knowing I have walked in forgiveness because God showed me how. And that is a miracle.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-85409205229060542062015-12-16T02:23:00.003-08:002015-12-16T02:23:57.584-08:00Soul Cry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOiA7-4c6OnGCvzxj15n15K5-J8Zb7TIJFGVqNg0lLpwCzSGoeYmr6usPfeTGOpD3SWiAWc5kBghT2MZYfpXEzHbGpCNks5K6cYHnC-wzRs2GVxOcMaKKgHHTVKtLrjg-Vl1k2cO3WFXo/s1600/99a0486d006ef58eb76fbc243f94d9ec.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOiA7-4c6OnGCvzxj15n15K5-J8Zb7TIJFGVqNg0lLpwCzSGoeYmr6usPfeTGOpD3SWiAWc5kBghT2MZYfpXEzHbGpCNks5K6cYHnC-wzRs2GVxOcMaKKgHHTVKtLrjg-Vl1k2cO3WFXo/s320/99a0486d006ef58eb76fbc243f94d9ec.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do you find the words to pray, to speak to the Holy of
Holy?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cant… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I am grateful that He knows what each tear and wail mean.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmr5BNIYovwqKuRcTyWG_Ifkmye7fTfXgG41LS5025TSZQkBFQmfW3dhWN7YleyklwQgQgynBHQToJd1BxJRYKAp_IHikGEkaIrWNvvuXfCQATKpEY0OSAAlsHLTRtEuobL0divBA75Cg/s1600/697111459028555405673fe0097035dc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmr5BNIYovwqKuRcTyWG_Ifkmye7fTfXgG41LS5025TSZQkBFQmfW3dhWN7YleyklwQgQgynBHQToJd1BxJRYKAp_IHikGEkaIrWNvvuXfCQATKpEY0OSAAlsHLTRtEuobL0divBA75Cg/s320/697111459028555405673fe0097035dc.jpg" width="213" /></a><o:p> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am learning tonight that a soul cry captivates the ears of
God- the attention of all of Heaven actually. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can remember this same feeling almost 3 years ago- knowing
all of heaven drew their attention to earth at that moment. That the Holy
Spirit was circling me. That Jesus was in the throne room pleading my case. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the King of Kings coming off His throne- laying His crown
down- tears streaming down His face, pleading my case before God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It overwhelms me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That He has such a vested interest in me, who even now
fights her flesh and mind and heart back to stay focused on Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Praying tears and not words for someone else’s soul creates
an atmosphere that moves the heart of God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I ask Him to help me in the present, He tends to me… I
feel Him holding me as He breaths His life in me with Isaiah 43:18-19 (MSG) “<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">“forget about what’s happened; don’t
keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. Watch. I am about to do
something brand-new.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">The enemy seeks
to keep a man wounded. He is only out to kill, steal, & destroy- but even
more so when he knows how great the potential of this person for the Kingdom of
God. So when we fight in the spirit for someone who is kept wounded- the battle
is always intense. But when you serve the Warrior King, you have no fear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1jkLnNeBMvomD7KopvXF1y2a1_ceCzT1If0NxnkE7he_mn1goIuingAOl8-U1xyX0V6TQ73Yb5Sb8FCeP8_MdchiW7rwbjWKBxjq5FDKY-PcLni_4d16JyMNBeX7Oztk5lsdyX15C8AU/s1600/a5b05ebf281274b5a6dc1a664b731f1b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1jkLnNeBMvomD7KopvXF1y2a1_ceCzT1If0NxnkE7he_mn1goIuingAOl8-U1xyX0V6TQ73Yb5Sb8FCeP8_MdchiW7rwbjWKBxjq5FDKY-PcLni_4d16JyMNBeX7Oztk5lsdyX15C8AU/s320/a5b05ebf281274b5a6dc1a664b731f1b.jpg" width="203" /></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">In 2013, I asked
for the greatest warrior angels in heaven to surround a man shielding any new
arrows from the enemy and dealing with the ones presently wounding him. That
same vision was brought back today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">I stand
grateful that God has taught my heart what is greater than the things here on
earth or the things done to me- and teaches me still how to contend for someone’s
heart & soul. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Be alert- be
present- watch… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-59086470992553017342015-11-10T23:21:00.001-08:002015-11-10T23:21:21.409-08:00Brokenness<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJEtY9tGPGG56BjJXwUkpyXdqUezUUPnQMkSo7mAn12oAtlEWuIsfWsZQbiKui9lTyGrNeYnfrPtCrxc5KEvMFSmocO35eC9WCLlbKBrevgbfFqfX81HxQQhPmV9iWdHR1qPbrQU0YgFg/s1600/d6ee1812b562ecf96ea8f57f1b84ebf1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJEtY9tGPGG56BjJXwUkpyXdqUezUUPnQMkSo7mAn12oAtlEWuIsfWsZQbiKui9lTyGrNeYnfrPtCrxc5KEvMFSmocO35eC9WCLlbKBrevgbfFqfX81HxQQhPmV9iWdHR1qPbrQU0YgFg/s1600/d6ee1812b562ecf96ea8f57f1b84ebf1.jpg" /></a>I have experienced pain… not just physical on a small scale,
but emotional. Pain reminds me that I am human- that I have emotions in
abundance- that life is real. Whether caused by self or by someone else- pain
can be humbling. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find myself walking through the stings of a painful heart
and I am reminded of my brokenness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To feel broken<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is hard to explain but it is exactly where God want us to
be just prior to His wings of salvation engulfing you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How sweet the sound of brokenness is to Him<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was reading in John 12 about the seed…vs24 “Unless a
kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies, then it produces many seeds.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To break off layers of pride, selfishness, & self-trust
is how spiritual power grows. When a seed is planted & begins to cultivate
within the soil, it begins to open and shed its outer layers for the inside to
begin to root & blossom into what it is designed to be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same is true for us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The flesh must be broken so the Spirit of God in you can
surface. Your old patterns of thinking and acting have to be broken so that the
real power can emerge. The term broken heart does not mean sadness. It means a
soul whose self-life has been exposed and its held broken by the Spirit’s power.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is an ongoing process. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I am learning this
over again, I am reminded that “true brokenness is losing all faith in your own
abilities, abandoning dependence on human resources, and disavowing all outward
pretensions of righteousness to cling to the Spirit of God as if to a
lifeline.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />God loves a broken & contrite heart- because He can work
with it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My reading then takes me to Jeremiah 4:3… “break up your
unplowed ground.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ouch!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I read it, I knew things were about to hurt. Fighting
with God about allowing Him to break up my unplowed ground was not a fight I
was willing to win. I knew I had to break, or spend each day with a tormented
heart, which was way worse!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I yielded. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIlANuAaN33DkReFWrobCBFqBlDoueYCaglW5fD5oYwmPiw8E609ErN9Qom_hHAvinRlDAywGQkmZPBs7GWADlw-p0NJhcVVDs0mdlLViVKjEr0V6A05LqJO7BB5qTlKs_nsl3t8XIbsg/s1600/b2783f508acbb1ad93f095379ee682e2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIlANuAaN33DkReFWrobCBFqBlDoueYCaglW5fD5oYwmPiw8E609ErN9Qom_hHAvinRlDAywGQkmZPBs7GWADlw-p0NJhcVVDs0mdlLViVKjEr0V6A05LqJO7BB5qTlKs_nsl3t8XIbsg/s320/b2783f508acbb1ad93f095379ee682e2.jpg" width="205" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then as He began to plow, He reminded me of Matthew 13:3-9…
“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. He scattered some across the
field- some landed on the footpath & the birds came to eat them; others
fell on shallow soil with underlying rock & spouted quickly but did not
have deep roots; some fell among the thorns which chocked them out; but others
fell on fertile soil where they produced a crop that was 30, 60, & 100
times as much as had been planted.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was reminding me where He wanted me to be & what He
had for me. I had to allow Him to plow the soil of my heart & life- so He
could give me 100 times more than I could imagine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“A seed is just a seed & will remain nothing but a seed
until it is placed in the proper environment.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was no more rationalizing my actions or thoughts; no
more managing or manipulating or forcing things into the mold of my
expectations. I could not fight it anymore. I relinquished to He who knows me
better than I know myself- my Creator, my Abba. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will continue to walk through my pain & emotions- with
a broken heart & head held high, eyes fixed on Jesus, so that He may create
in me a clean heart- a heart fertile enough to produce a harvest for my King. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTG8Nm2FB-kkvJIrRaGb4aRgNaZrsdl8jei3fcptTmhEScz0vH53a4m2wBoIkHAFgIGgansXf6QEzs-tIMnrrMo71SBhOQ_T8zTTH0k1XctUvbQrhhGgQQP_z-hurQcWpT2tjXpQvVUSs/s1600/bfe6e1b78f657a3ba4a3a5d03d2d188f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTG8Nm2FB-kkvJIrRaGb4aRgNaZrsdl8jei3fcptTmhEScz0vH53a4m2wBoIkHAFgIGgansXf6QEzs-tIMnrrMo71SBhOQ_T8zTTH0k1XctUvbQrhhGgQQP_z-hurQcWpT2tjXpQvVUSs/s320/bfe6e1b78f657a3ba4a3a5d03d2d188f.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh that He loves me enough to spend so much time & never
giving up on me. Thank You Lord.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-9551585306733020792015-11-09T11:24:00.000-08:002015-11-09T11:24:49.942-08:00Disappointment<div class="MsoNormal">
After going through my life changing event- I found that
there are times where life is just happening. I am in the mundane of another
day- feeling nothing or feeling too much. <br />
I have found myself with many questions for God. Ones I had never asked before
or thought would ever come up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWvpO2Taug__8EnZzTE6iU2xJTBBrlxmM_UrIF6zoAPmO_CmfP59Bu8Y7tbpuVbphzBec6T-Ospep_vlazFqrIt0PU1aZYtHD8bZK-ozidiwYdktL59poy4PKGErZSiiy9q18-TxtSZOQ/s1600/5312eda8591c9905e8aada02c3bf721f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWvpO2Taug__8EnZzTE6iU2xJTBBrlxmM_UrIF6zoAPmO_CmfP59Bu8Y7tbpuVbphzBec6T-Ospep_vlazFqrIt0PU1aZYtHD8bZK-ozidiwYdktL59poy4PKGErZSiiy9q18-TxtSZOQ/s320/5312eda8591c9905e8aada02c3bf721f.jpg" width="228" /></a>Why did you allow things to happen this way?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why didn’t you intervene? Why didn’t you change one small
thing that would send things in a different direction? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God asked me to just say what I felt- “I can handle what you
want to say.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I said it… I am disappointed that You didn’t do
something.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I said it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t feel any better. I actually feel worse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am disappointed in God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The silence hit<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mind was frozen only for a moment, then I heard Him say,
“my love is not forced.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears start streaming down my face. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do I overcome this God? How do I stop living with the
hurt of disappointment?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been disappointed so many times in my life by people
who love me, how do I continue to walk in life trying to love people as You ask
me to do? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How did Jesus do this? He was betrayed by those closest to
Him. His own family laughed at Him. Those who claimed to love Him threw him to
the wolves. How did He do this? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I verbalized that men were disappointing. I verbalized that
I would rather be alone, unmarried, without children of my own the rest of my
life than live a life with a disappointing man.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard the song Heroes by Amanda Cook- “teach my feet to
dance on disappointment.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has stuck with me for weeks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How God? How do I get out of the rut of disappointment?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do I dance on disappointment?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He has started reminding me of my imperfections and how He
makes me perfect. He reminded me what He did do during my life changing event. He
reminded me that there are good godly men in the world by giving my visions of
my brother and his family, a few of his friends, and a few around me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How quickly I have forgotten. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes- life has not gone the way I would liked it to, but
within me & around me- it has become so much of what He originally designed.
My daily communion with Him- my relationship that never ceases is what the goal
of life really is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Isn’t that why He created us in the first place? He wanted a
creature made in His image that would choose to daily walk with Him & talk
to Him & love Him freely. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I must choose to continue to do that even when people choose
to hurt me, disappoint me, or even love me. That must never change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Really and truly He has not disappointment me- my
disappointment comes from my wants/picture not being met & a man choosing
to change his path in life without me. And that… I have to accept & move
on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this morning’s quiet time, I read the words to a hymn
written by Reginald Heber in 1826…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Holy Holy Holy! Lord
God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee. Holy Holy Holy,
merciful and mighty! God in three Persons blessed Trinity! Holy Holy Holy! All
saints adore Thee, casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea;
Cherubim & Seraphin falling down before Thee, who was, and is, and evermore
shall be. Holy Holy Holy! Though the darkness hid Thee, though the eye of
sinful man Thy glory may not see; only thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,
perfect in power, in love and purity. Holy Holy Holy! Lord God Almighty! All
thy works shall praise Thy name, in earth and sky and sea; Holy Holy Holy;
merciful and mighty! God in three Persons blessed Trinity!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Herber learned that God is not like men; He does not fail.
We see everything through the lens of our own experiences, and it’s difficult
not to let our sight be marred and limited by our own impurity and sin. To
understand God as He is, perfect in power, love and purity, will change how we
see our world- disappointments, plans, and joys.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-11804407034524161332015-08-23T19:17:00.000-07:002015-08-23T19:17:15.547-07:00focused fear<div class="MsoNormal">
During the preparation period before departing for Nigeria,
I was made aware of fear. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What was fear? Fear is worry, dread, anxiety, distress,
alarm, panic, opposite of assurance. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What were my fears? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Death or dying… no<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Snakes or spiders or bugs… no<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Small tight spaces or elevators… no<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is your greatest fear?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it something staring you in the face at present? Or is it
something you have placed very distant from you & try to avoid? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On my very long flights to Africa, I had plenty of time to
ponder them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What were my greatest fears? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After figuring them out, I began reading a book on fear- “In
a pit with a lion on a snowy day.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Frightening concept, huh?!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it isn’t meant to be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am learning how to reorder my fear, so that it isn’t
fearful at all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God did not give us a spirit of fear… quite the opposite… He
gave us a spirit of sound mind & a peaceable spirit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZwPFcX_32zGmSUyB6Xwr_tvg1KGx81Kx7c-mWt4-yo1Wo9CNOO1MFORzI27f5xcSbm3bIHX6NASz9I5FAhZG4krQTHejZ-NjkrkpevN3zweHCk051d8Dirad2Uzq5f6J2SBORz2KM0_A/s1600/278dbda8d6e65e6525bfb4800bd57d09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZwPFcX_32zGmSUyB6Xwr_tvg1KGx81Kx7c-mWt4-yo1Wo9CNOO1MFORzI27f5xcSbm3bIHX6NASz9I5FAhZG4krQTHejZ-NjkrkpevN3zweHCk051d8Dirad2Uzq5f6J2SBORz2KM0_A/s1600/278dbda8d6e65e6525bfb4800bd57d09.jpg" /></a>How is this done?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Focus… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I answered one question with another… what are you focusing
on? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The enemy is out to unfocus you from your God ordained task-
whatever it may be for this season… nursing, serving, singing, teaching,
mothering, waiting<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No one task greater than the other <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we have allowed fear to creep itself in & stay
awhile. We begin to fear things, people, situations, places, memories. Then out
of fear comes loss of control. And out of loss of control comes lack of trust.
The snowball begins. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until- we stop… look around… and ask—“what just happened?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked another question… “what aren’t you focusing on?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was taken to Acts 16 in my reading. Paul & Silas find
themselves in the middle of an angry mob, getting beaten half to death, &
thrown in prison. How about that for fearful? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The worst situation imaginable while doing the work of the
Lord. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What was their response? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Verse 25…“Around midnight, Paul & Silas were praying
& singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was floored. I have read that verse so many times growing
up in the Lord, it never hit me like this… but so often the revelation of the
Word of God comes to us <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>only when He
knows we are ready. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How did they do this? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What were they focused on?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Their circumstance? Their lack or need? Their problems?
Their unanswered prayers? Their situation?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They were so focused on God & praising Him for who He
was that it blotted out what was going on around them & the lack they had. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They were zoomed out on the bigger picture, not zoomed in on
themselves. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshiping
what’s right with God.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I read this, my spirit jumped. Remember this & live
by this!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Making the choice to zoom out & focus on God will change
your perspective & in the process- restore the joy of your salvation!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Worship is zooming out and refocusing on the big picture.
It’s refocusing on the fact that God unconditionally loves me when I least
expect it & least deserve it. It’s refocusing on the fact that I have
eternity with God to look forward to in a place where there is no mourning or
sorrow or pain. It enables you to find something good to praise God about even
when everything seems to be going wrong. It will be difficult, but one of the
purest forms of worship is praising God even when you don’t feel like it
because it proves that your worship isn’t conditional.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your focus determines your reality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So… what are you focused on? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reordering your focus reorders your day… in the simplest
way… to praise Him!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am working through my fears with Him guiding each step of
the process, so my learned fears will be unlearned fears in due time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The process is often difficult to swallow, especially when I
find myself in situations like in a pit with a lion on a snowy day. But I know
the outcome will only show God’s handiwork & craftsmanship in a girl who
deserves so much less. He makes beauty from ashes. And in the begin, weren’t we
all ashes of the earth? Trust Him through facing your fears so that they are no
longer fears & no more a vice the enemy can use against you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-51359287836066609742015-07-14T08:02:00.005-07:002015-07-14T08:02:48.211-07:00childlike <div class="MsoNormal">
I was at my family’s place in Nashville around the
fourth of July this year. They graciously moved up our family get together by a
day since I was traveling to Canada the actual holiday. But as the food kept
coming, kids running around everywhere, laughter, singing, music playing… I was
taken back to when I was a kid and our family get together’s. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The smells of Thai food wafted through the entire house
combined with a little this and a little that. All of us salivating and ready
to bless the food and EAT! Looking at the array of food presented before us-
pesto pizza, Thai chicken BBQ, mac-n-cheese, potato salad, quinoa salad, broccoli
salad, berries & whipped cream, Oreo chocolate chip brownie (its like
crack!), chocolate pie, peach cobbler, and I am sure I missed some things <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPb0UUwKhbJxXo5xfYfjjdhXa2lDIf-ZsqD6jVV-5VndsLlfa6sRPjqG_ZDKD2Uu7PAsNmCcRXsXFgrK0UTMjqJ5wOs8oxqpR92Uw9pxa1UI-orba0nXSJnkzCLsamT7pXDIA-xVKdWfI/s1600/IMG_3094.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPb0UUwKhbJxXo5xfYfjjdhXa2lDIf-ZsqD6jVV-5VndsLlfa6sRPjqG_ZDKD2Uu7PAsNmCcRXsXFgrK0UTMjqJ5wOs8oxqpR92Uw9pxa1UI-orba0nXSJnkzCLsamT7pXDIA-xVKdWfI/s320/IMG_3094.JPG" width="320" /></a>The feast before us… We were reminded of the feast waiting
for us in heaven. The banquet table, the wedding feast, our Father has prepared
for us will be beyond what we could ever imagine. We all can’t wait to partake!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After dinner, we gathered all the kids in the front yard.
Adults were plopped in their chairs- drinks in hand- kids running in the big
front yard, soaked from the days rain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Uncle Dave has the fireworks set up in the yard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bottle rockets, sparklers, long sparklers, big boomers,
whistlers, and more were set up waiting for the kiddos to come- the only time
for adult supervised playing with fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am not sure who is more excited- the kids or Dave!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eyes wide- glows of sparklers flying everywhere- clouds of
colored smoke- kids squealing- adults laughing… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />I was standing back with my cousin watching everything play
out- almost in slow motion… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I watched Dave playing with the kids I was reminded how
he use to take the time and do this with us when we were kids. He hasn’t
changed in this for 20 years. His eyes light up with the same amount of joy
& a smile is plastered across his face while he gets to experience the
pleasure and excitement with each kid as they hold sparklers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Isn’t it neat that even though 2 decades have passed, Dave
is still just as excited to do fireworks just like when we were kids? I am not
sure who is more excited… Dave or the kids.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1tbMJuYbZ49qqK7dHcfQ5vIQQOVScSpDcFZqnKMH5bO6IM4FSy-i9o7bRddVabTxo_JArCf91SWi2IOLTBuTvSMtXeR40RoKF6A5GtVJj8phyJiKiBOYLxUO6ihnfGXagevWvzpynsn0/s1600/2fd7b8b247db54d4f09d2b930f933e52.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1tbMJuYbZ49qqK7dHcfQ5vIQQOVScSpDcFZqnKMH5bO6IM4FSy-i9o7bRddVabTxo_JArCf91SWi2IOLTBuTvSMtXeR40RoKF6A5GtVJj8phyJiKiBOYLxUO6ihnfGXagevWvzpynsn0/s1600/2fd7b8b247db54d4f09d2b930f933e52.jpg" /></a>How refreshing it is to see an adult who understands the
capacity to be as a child. If only more of us could play as a child plays, sing
like a child sings, dance like a child dances, love as a child loves, and
believe as a child believes… unashamed & uninhibited by what people think.
Isn’t that what we are told in scripture- “unless you change & become like
little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Anyone who becomes
as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never
enter it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSVCUVv7OJHeEULTnhj24Px1kod7CzPruGCH3KeMjqUGtYOSKipHXgU32Lus9AC_liL3oSmpLl0UYLN83L-r-KzeYXH6ggecjIy20wx4F15wf8uAEOk_9U4cL1vpuoEd8ZS5-f2IOlZHc/s1600/SAM_0559.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSVCUVv7OJHeEULTnhj24Px1kod7CzPruGCH3KeMjqUGtYOSKipHXgU32Lus9AC_liL3oSmpLl0UYLN83L-r-KzeYXH6ggecjIy20wx4F15wf8uAEOk_9U4cL1vpuoEd8ZS5-f2IOlZHc/s320/SAM_0559.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if we became more childlike… had <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
childlike faith... how would it look… what
would change…Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-65591040419441167622015-07-06T14:25:00.004-07:002015-07-06T14:26:05.284-07:00awakened to pray<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKMQA_tCfRFGi1_n2yW6m_13yX95c-dAtXu27XOoPzlrSyQsQDei4VbYCUvgNAiuqYOkadwHpgvupqoY8XZWg67BMqFQAzBFHJPri6D8emY9HUn9s52fdS1JSg_lAfgHzM4KLGLTRmwMg/s1600/SAM_0231.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKMQA_tCfRFGi1_n2yW6m_13yX95c-dAtXu27XOoPzlrSyQsQDei4VbYCUvgNAiuqYOkadwHpgvupqoY8XZWg67BMqFQAzBFHJPri6D8emY9HUn9s52fdS1JSg_lAfgHzM4KLGLTRmwMg/s320/SAM_0231.JPG" width="320" /></a>I was awakened with a shove in the middle of the night.
Slightly frightened but somewhat confused, I looked around. No one. My clock
read 3am.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Seriously?!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What could He want? “Yes Holy Spirit?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I took my earplugs out to see if I was missing something. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Loud and clear…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The memory of laying in Jerusalem every night listening to
the same thing at the same hour came to me. I was woken an hour before the call
to pray. In Jerusalem, a mainly Jewish & Christian nation, there was a
tension in the air. Knowing the Muslims were in constant turmoil with Jews
& Christians- you could feel the angst that was created when Ramadan was
being celebrated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In Jos, Nigeria, I did not find this same angst or
atmosphere. Jos is predominantly a Muslim nation & it is Ramadan. <o:p></o:p></div>
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During Ramadan, practicing Muslims will fast and pray all
day. Then all night they eat & celebrate. This is done for a month. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3am… I heard the call to precursor to the call to prayer…
and some celebrating music in the background. I knew what the Holy Spirit
wanted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t sure what to pray <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I listened… prayed in the Spirit… then felt the urge to
thank God for being who He was.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6hgdovVI0fqrlptFvUXNX5ouvMitOb4vNPNMkgXa2xlpIEnbGHNkUJ-DzM2ZMRy0eu8OFQjDmqy7A_BNXgkiNZc0boXJVTCL_u1Tq68ql99715Fh3v1VuyBGub6TWZjDj7nkoAsfFvWs/s1600/IMG_3108.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6hgdovVI0fqrlptFvUXNX5ouvMitOb4vNPNMkgXa2xlpIEnbGHNkUJ-DzM2ZMRy0eu8OFQjDmqy7A_BNXgkiNZc0boXJVTCL_u1Tq68ql99715Fh3v1VuyBGub6TWZjDj7nkoAsfFvWs/s320/IMG_3108.jpg" width="240" /></a>Lord- you are the God of all languages. The One who knows
our hearts & speaks to all hearts. Thank you that You are Omnipotent-
Omnipresent- and never slumber. I do not know the hearts of Muslims nor will I
try to imagine- but You do. I ask that you speak to their hearts as You know
they need- that they would know You as their only God- that they would know
Jesus as their Lord and Savior- dying for each life to live in eternity with
You. Thank You that nothing is too big for You & that You long for their
hearts to be Yours more than I. Be ever present in their minds- giving them
dreams & visions of who You are. That they would believe in You- that they
would love You- that they would seek only You- and that You would respond to
the them like I know You desire. Thank You for each and every life that You
created. To You be all glory and honor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am amazed that He would ask me a year later then remind me
of a year past- to pray for a nation, to pray for a people group that He so
desperately desires to know Him. This is who He is. The Creator of all things,
having all power in His hands- yet giving man the free will to chose who his
heart will love, who his heart will follow. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-54376171112663441022015-07-05T08:34:00.003-07:002015-07-05T08:34:40.956-07:00mourning to joy<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhguvg3pG9TeXSpAM-XO9pAlSjkTE08jNIcjhn01X46lPIDDS1NAlZhOVRfBmgty9QfPC5x7fnAoNFZa6FVevDWd33LK9noA5QWsz1gCJHxWGpf6LAYhuVuLq_3ZiFoE7_nn_Xs6W8KNI/s1600/IMG_2994.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhguvg3pG9TeXSpAM-XO9pAlSjkTE08jNIcjhn01X46lPIDDS1NAlZhOVRfBmgty9QfPC5x7fnAoNFZa6FVevDWd33LK9noA5QWsz1gCJHxWGpf6LAYhuVuLq_3ZiFoE7_nn_Xs6W8KNI/s320/IMG_2994.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Isaiah 63: 7 <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“I will tell of the
kindness of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all
the Lord has done for ME- yes, the many good things he has done for ME,
according to his compassion and many kindnesses.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart if overwhelmed by your kindness & compassion. I
think about 2.5 years ago being here on this land in Nigeria- what my heart felt,
the emotions I experienced & expressed moment by moment. How different time
has changed that. How much You have changed that. Just as in the aging of skin
on a face, the aging of a building, the growth of a child, the overgrowth of
greenery in an area… that change has happened in my heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh if I could only put to words the feeling my heart has,
the joy within my soul for how the Lord held me, prepared me, ministered to me,
spoke to me, molding every portion of my mind & heart… to love, to wait, to
be still with Him<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Isaiah 64:4 “since ancient times no one has heard, no ear
has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those
who wait.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You acted on my behalf in my waiting<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People say- how do you see it that way? Your husband took
everything from you… your stuff, your money, your dreams, even your dog. How
has the Lord acted on your behalf in this? If anything, He has stood by
watching the worst be done to you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the enemy plotted & schemed, taking what was a
covenant & good, twisting thoughts & words to deceive a man who chose a
different path leading away from God & all that is good & righteous-
God did not just stand by. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 16:1-2 <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“keep me safe, my
God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, you are my Lord, apart from
you I have nothing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 23:4<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“even though I walk
through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 25:4<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“Show me your ways,
Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God
my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 27:1-9<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“The Lord is my light
and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of
whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked come to devour me, it is my enemies
& my foes who will stumble and fall… though war break out against me, even
then I will be confident. One thing I ask from the Lord, that I may dwell in the
house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in
his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent & at his
sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to
the Lord…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 30:2<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“Lord my God, I
called to you for help, and you healed me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Isaiah 54<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never
in labor; because many are the children of the desolate woman than of her who
has a husband. Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will
spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess
nations and settle in their desolate cities. Do not be afraid; you will not be
put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget
the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband- the Lord Almighty is his name- the Holy One of
Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will
call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit- a wife
who married young, only to be rejected, says your God… though the mountains be
shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be
shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed… all your children will be taught by
the Lord, and great will be their peace. In righteousness you will be
established… whoever attacks you will surrender to you… no weapon formed
against you will prevail… this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and
this is their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His mighty wings have overcome me- the protection of my
King, my Lover, my Friend, my Daddy…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He rescued me day in & day out, leading me, some days, moment-by-moment,
breath-by-breath<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart broken into a million pieces, yet He caught each
piece<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His love being the glue I needed to put it back together<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The process- the walking out of my salvation & God’s
love- the waiting… was exactly what I needed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart even now is being healed of ischemic areas I
allowed- but He is the Heart Surgeon<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Isaiah 61<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“The Spirit of the
Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news
to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom
for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the
year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all
who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown
of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment
of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of
righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will rebuild the ancient ruins &
restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have
been devastated for generations. Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. And you will be called priests
of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the
wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast. Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in
your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and
everlasting joy will be yours. For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and
wrongdoing. In my faithfulness I will reward my people and make an everlasting
covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations, and
their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they
are a people the Lord has blessed. I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul
rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and
arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like
a priest, and a bride adorns her head with her jewels. For as the soil makes
the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only He can restore<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only He can renew<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only He can take ashes and make beauty- just like He took
the dirt of the ground and created man. Knowing each intricate detail needed-
leaving nothing unfinished and nothing left to waste<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-88069104376333886122015-06-14T08:50:00.002-07:002015-06-14T08:50:37.864-07:00miracle<div class="MsoNormal">
Miracle… <span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">an
event not explicable by natural or scientific laws<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Is
our picture off? Have we managed to place the expectation or outcome of a
miracle in a box? Have we westernized it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I
read of the many miracles in scripture & I wish to see miracles like this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">But
what if I am missing the miracles right in front of my face?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I was
sitting in the OR last night manually breathing for a 2month old baby who had
no respiratory effort of his own. As I was sitting there I began to ask God…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">If you want this little boy to
have life here on this earth, God, You are going to have to do a miracle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I
began to sing softly… not knowing if he could hear me… but I knew God was
listening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Each
puff of air I provided I kept asking and expecting this lifeless body to make
an improvement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">God-
be merciful!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">His
heart rate so high and not much more that we could do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I
sang louder to praise God for who He was, all He has done, & for this
little boy’s life<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp_JBY8VgM6Ir0DmXFydoUJlc_ufGGUP0v0G13MUErXfG-2W8SHdrQcFLKEyEcSigvRp2P-kSr6mbYhF6tN3Z4Nc_H4QsOEmrMKr0aPUvSw-sHFRWr4eX14hjjpzrc_g-0upKKw2Q9pvs/s1600/IMG_2476.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp_JBY8VgM6Ir0DmXFydoUJlc_ufGGUP0v0G13MUErXfG-2W8SHdrQcFLKEyEcSigvRp2P-kSr6mbYhF6tN3Z4Nc_H4QsOEmrMKr0aPUvSw-sHFRWr4eX14hjjpzrc_g-0upKKw2Q9pvs/s320/IMG_2476.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I
looked up and saw him breathing in between my puffs of air… He was making some
effort! He moved his arm slightly!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I
laid my hand on his little belly- praying & singing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">God-
this little life you have placed in my hands is trying hard to live- He is yours-
only You can create life and only You can take it- I praise You that You have
allowed me to see Your breath in his lungs. No matter what You decide for this
little life- I will praise You. I will trust You. You are good & there is
no one like You. Only You know the number of days for each of us, Only You know
what each future holds, each breath we breathe. I will sing of Your goodness
and mercy…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">His
love, His mercy, His miracles may look different each time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">As
dawn approached, Carmen & I took our post for the next few hours. We did
not know what today was going to bring for us or for this little boy… another
surgery, recovery, death, life… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We
prayed for God’s will to be done, thanking Him for the day, & what it would
hold. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">His heart
rate began to suddenly decrease quickly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>still breathing for this little boy,
compressions were started…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Carmen
& I looked at each other… a glimpse of peace came over us… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">He
was with Jesus now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">No
longer having to fight for life<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">But living
eternal life with his Father<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We
question- why after all that work would You take him? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I don’t
understand God’s ways or thinking at times, but I know without a shadow of
doubt that He is good & His ways & thoughts are higher than mine… and I
trust that… I trust Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The
work was not for nothing- whether for someone to draw closer to God, for
someone to see the hard work or angst from us, for someone to experience or
watch teamwork happen… I do not know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">But
what I do know, is that God allowed each of us to be touched and changed by
this little boys life…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">his
name was Miracle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that indeed was what he was<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">God’s
Miracle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-30702801851579509492015-06-14T07:46:00.001-07:002015-06-14T07:46:54.940-07:00Legacy<div class="MsoNormal">
Legacy…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What most leave behind when they die<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had the pleasure to discover the power behind legacy when
I visited a local Egbe school in Nigeria. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listening to a little of the backstory of the school &
essentially the man, I began to see legacy in its finest moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Children running every direction- playing, laughing,
singing… when their path came across that of the man- honor was given. As I
watched, I noticed it was not out of fear but out of reverence. Some of the
smaller children even ran to hold his hand and just be near him, others just
wanted to come say hi. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5byqvKBExAS_R097MirlL7UChHTT63rvp5Mu3YsX3hKPwxAPbO-3CHHEKIZu4KWwZrd_R7rPuSn1CapMSS1lBB1Gj86SpH3HXNuQ547QcmsjDeIQONOha6Y4dOQIZaY1xf2yUTF_9kJo/s1600/IMG_2626.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5byqvKBExAS_R097MirlL7UChHTT63rvp5Mu3YsX3hKPwxAPbO-3CHHEKIZu4KWwZrd_R7rPuSn1CapMSS1lBB1Gj86SpH3HXNuQ547QcmsjDeIQONOha6Y4dOQIZaY1xf2yUTF_9kJo/s320/IMG_2626.jpg" width="240" /></a>So many children… so much love<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember hearing Isaiah 54: 2-3… “Enlarge the place of
your rent, stretch out your tent curtains wide, do not hold back, lengthen your
cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the
left, your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate
cities.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is exactly what this man was doing. He told me that
parents would bring their children & the money for tuition and tell him,
“My child must come to school there.” He would say there is no room. “It’s
fine, they must go to your school because it is the best.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With the capacity to hold 300 students in the school for
classes, there were 350 students in attendance, with half of them boarding from
far away from their families and home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His tent curtains were spread out wide for sure. But he
continually said- God provides everyday for these children. With his own children
grown & gone, this man & his wife are parents to so many other
children. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love the image I captured in my mind when a little girl
would ran up to him, grabbed his hand, show honor to him with a bow, and said,
“hi”, then ran on about her day. I watched this man respond to this little girl
like a daddy responds to his little girl. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart melted…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the picture of God, our Daddy. He loves for us to be
running about our busy day & stop for a moment, show Him honor & say
“hi”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
what a simple act… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that melts the heart of The Father every time<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06307725638939364725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4000378052401738005.post-90596812578595719412015-06-06T01:32:00.001-07:002015-06-06T01:32:11.633-07:00What would you do?<div class="MsoNormal">
As I am singing, “great are You Lord,” I am suddenly aware of
how I have the freedom to shout praises to You- singing from the depths of my
soul to You. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if I couldn’t?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How many don’t have that freedom?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I express every day how I feel about You, some better than
others. But what if I couldn’t? It is hard at times to find the words to
express the joy He gives me accept through tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if I could not express my joy, my gratitude, my love,
my adoration, my heart about You God? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What would you do if you couldn’t express it? What if you
knew that your life would end if people found out you were madly in love with
Jesus? Would you still praise Him? Would you still worship Him? Would you still
believe? Would you still follow?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Would you still dance the streets for Him? Would you still
meet with others to learn more about Him? Would you still sing to Him? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Would you still say the name of Jesus?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We sing “all this is for You Jesus,” but in reality, what do
we have for Jesus that He does not already have? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you have that is worth it to Him? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it your acts of service or words of endearment or you
money? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you know? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you know it is you?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is your heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is your life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is your love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is your gaze.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our small capacities of love for Jesus & our minuet
expressions of love for Him- move Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The One who created all things, has all power, all
authority- you child, move Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He tells the angels in heaven to hush when you sing to Him,
when you speak to Him, when you look at Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Accept it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stand tall before your King with hands held high in awe that
He loves you to love Him. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the question still remains… would you still say the name
of Jesus- even if your life depended on it?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMiegHYblMle3vgKYMLFNzTaiOKmutyhDWn8ATuIEK7raxnH6V60Zk8diYN1Z5-FzNe4Y7hR-SrcVOZTwenMNs6ONCggMgtF-THg30DGCRT76hIyw10eEsZrh4LfitlAp18M34OcHZCgQ/s1600/IMG_2613.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMiegHYblMle3vgKYMLFNzTaiOKmutyhDWn8ATuIEK7raxnH6V60Zk8diYN1Z5-FzNe4Y7hR-SrcVOZTwenMNs6ONCggMgtF-THg30DGCRT76hIyw10eEsZrh4LfitlAp18M34OcHZCgQ/s320/IMG_2613.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p></div>
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