Trusting while in the land between

Who is your source of life ? Upon whom will you depend? 

Dependence on God is vital for what is to come. 

You have the propensity to gripe when you feel uncomfortable or harsh conditions. Respond in faith. .. Trust Him 

Are you allowing yourself to be disciplined and trained by the hardships you experience so that you can live in greater dependence on God? Are you completely surrendered to God? 

The land between can be one that is short or one that lasts for a while. 

Just as the Israelites experienced- the history of their journey was given to us by God so we would not make the same long drawn out mistakes. 

God is after something that you may be missing. 

Ask Him... 

Seek Him for His answers which are always good and right. 

Just remember- it may not always be how we pictured. 

He is the All Sufficient. 

Trust Him 

Complain- to express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event; to fuss. 

We know the Israelites complained, they doubted, they strayed. As we all have. But what we forfeit when choosing to complain is the opportunity to become a person of faith. 

With each difficulty or issue or stride in life, God is whispering "will you trust me?" 

"Don't be acclimated to the world of idolatry, but formed by the character & presence of God."

To God... Complaints amount to a rejection of Him. 

You can be honest with Him but don't cross into the land of complaint. 

The desert is not the final destination but rather the necessary middle where you will be formed into His daughter or son & be established in your connection to God. 

Trust Him...

His heart, your heart

Your love God, cannot be contained. It pours- overflows onto us.
Whatever the season may be- season of laughter, mourning, loss, gain...- He is singing over you. Singing how much He loves you.
There is no max of how much He loves; there is no thing that would change how much He loves you.
He longs to hear you say, "I love you."
He leaps and looses His breath when you give your heart wholely to Him, over hearing you say you love Him.
He gasps at the sound of your voice, your gaze at Him. He is overcome by it.

You long to hear His heartbeat- how much more He longs to hear your heartbeat... your heart beating with His- in sync- one in the same- unidentifiable of whose is whose.
Beating as one, you & He- together.
That is how He meant it. That is how He designed it.
If He created you after His own image- this means His heart is in you. His purpose was to walk with you, hand in hand, heart in heart, no step taken out of order,
The original design.
What was the purpose of giving you His heart?
Jesus' inheritance is your heart.

What happened?

I find myself standing at the foot of the bed, looking on as the surgeon is cutting open different parts of the heart.
The lifeless heart- cold, unmoving- held in the hands of the surgeon, the surgical tech, & the physicians assistant.
symbolic threesome???
Each heart has a different problem- dissection, dilation, clog, placque, dead tissue, no electrical circuit firing.
Each heart needing mending in a different way- in the natural & the supernatural.

Why are our hearts so filthy, so bruised & broken & sick?
Because we have defiled them- we have given our hearts to other things or people.We have given our hearts over to the one who is against everything of God.
We have robbed Jesus of His inheritance.
Family lines have generational tasks or purposes that have been incomplete for years, some for centuries.
Why do you think some diseases are hereditary, passed down like high cholesterol or diabetes or cancer, just to name a few?
Generational strongholds.
These things can be broken off & mended.


He is in the business of healing hearts. His priority is to glorify His Son- whom He sent- who chose to sacrifice His life for you.
His heart overflows with neverending bloodflow to wash over each of our hearts.
How?

Love


But the greatest of these is love.
God is love.
Jesus loved us that much. The greatest form of love is sacrifice of life.
If His blood heals all- I want it flowing through my heart & body- every crevice of me.
What about you?

back in the waiting room

0545 this morning, I began my drive to work this morning. Having been in an odd funk or feeling for the last several days- I had yet to put words to what was going on.

The sun peaked over the clouds, painting the sky multiple shades of orange, pink, & purple.

I thought... this is no warning to sailors- this is God's canvas He has began so early in the morning.

 

Thank You, God for Your beautiful paintings that never look the same.

 

I thought of how He is a constant, yet every changing God. Constant in know He loves me, He will never leave me, He will never forsake me, He will discipline me when needed, He will hold me & heal me when needed, YET, He is always changing because He is so creative. Always creating things on this earth, in me, all around me.

How can this be???

My small capacity of brain & intellect cannot figure it out- but... I receive that You are always changing yet always constant. And I thank You.

So- as I made the turn onto 283- I remember my eyes filling with tears.

Why?? What is wrong with me??

I have everything I  could ever need & joy beyond belief, yet I have tears flowing down my face.

Why God? Why am I crying? You know me better than I know myself- tell me please why I feel this way, what is happening to me.

I am haunted by the inability to focus on things beyond my daily activities.

I am frustrated & tired & itching at the seams to run!

Why cant I run yet???

Why cant I sit still and wait with You?

Didn't I just learn how to do this? Didn't I just get through this, yet here it is again?

Why?

Why haven't you sold my house? Why have you put me in a new job that takes me completely out of my comfort zone? Why cant I begin to save money for the move I know is coming?

Why?! Why?! Why?!

Then... just in that moment- a car goes speeding by me. Knowing the speed limit all the way to Harrisburg is 65mph with some road work areas- I am pushing 70mph- he was going 80-85mph.

As his car flashed by me- I stated out loud in my car (like he would hear me, haha)...
"oh my word! how impatient people in the US are. I guess it isn't just in the US- it's everywhere. Why are they in such a hurry to get to where they are going?"
DING!!!!
dang it!!!
I heard- "hmmm, that's you April.

the feeling of dejection & frustration came over me- wow! If that wasn't for me...
Thank you Holy Spirit for Your revelations.

That speeding car was a reminder that I am hurrying to get to the next place
I may know the next destination- but only He knows what the road is like up ahead, what curves or traffic are ahead of me.

Repentant heart- I began to pray & cry & praise Him.

What an amazing Daddy You are- that You see what is ahead, You give me glimpses of potential things to come, You know that I am imperfect & will fail so many times, You know that I am impatient beyond belief, You know that I want to dabble my hands in the cookies before they are cooked- and yet...
You pick me up, You set me down in the perfect garden, You wait for me to wait for You.

Thank You- that You are willing to create in me (constantly) a newness, a wholeness, qualities and attributes that You want to last, & beauty greater than the physical.
Thank You Abba, for loving me that much....

Inbound or outbound

Maybe I'll be able to stretch out, maybe a 4 row of seats will be available. I might actually get to sleep on this flight! 

Not...

A small village of ultra Orthodox Jews surrounded me. And they brought their kids. 

This should be interesting. 

A mother of 3 sat next to me. Her 9 months old in her lap. He was cute... Or so I thought till he began screaming and throwing everything in his grasp at me!

He wouldn't sleep- I thought... Kid, it's 1am. You should be passed out! 

Oh no... He wants to grab and smack me. 

Food service- that will fix everything temporarily! 

Oh wait... You ran out before you got to me. Super!!! Don't you know how many people are on this flight and plan accordingly? Hmmmmmm

Lady next to me had a kosher meal though. And ate her sandwhich till it was gone! 

Oh well- I don't need food this late anyway. 

Mom fell asleep and ended up with her 2 yr old who was also asleep in her lap. The baby and 3 yr old fell asleep finally in dad's arms across from us. 

Slight turbulence met...

Oh no... This is your first time flying... Oh no... Your pale... Your clammy... Your hot - not a good combo

Where's the bag... I can't find it fast enough... Oh no... It's coming... I know that look...

Bag open- and it began!

Small space... No air... Heat is on... Pinned next to the window...

Just turn your head april!

I had the quickest memory of traveling to Illinoise as a child with my grandparents, brother, & cousin zack in the boat... Well what we thought was a boat anyway but resembled a Cadillac. We left early in the morning, stopped to get mcdonalds breakfast & by gosh zack WAS going to drink that orange juice per Granny Mae. Ten minutes down the road we hear- I don't feel so good. 

Sitting in the back seat if the caddie was quick like a boat and very easy to get car sick. Jacob on one side, me on the other, Zack in the middle,pillow in lap... "Granny, I'm going to..." 

Granny's cat like, I'm the mother of 4 but many more than that, reflexes emptied the tissue box just in the nick of time to catch the ever so smelly orange juice throw up. Windows were now down in the back, noses couldn't get far enough out of the window without taking our seatbelt a off, and that wasn't an option- Pops was still driving steady without a glitch in his step. 

A few dry heaves from me... 

Hope she liked that sandwhich again. 

Sleeping child, still asleep, still sweaty, sliding ever so slowly down her lap.

I'm pretty sure he's going to hit the floor. 

The dinosaur calls stopped- thank You Lord!

Now for clean up... Oh wait- there's no house keeping in flight. Hahaha

What was I thinking. 

One soft an later with a some sips of sprite... She is resting nicely. 

Still in her many layers and hat slight disheveled to the side, but that bad boy ain't coming off!

No sleep- no food- no reading- no writing- guess I'll pray. 

Mandy

While on his travels, he met such a creature.

He was captivated by her becoming look.

She saw him walking over to her... Curious she was 

Her gate quickened as she caught the gaze of another moving toward him. Her slender legs widened as her stride lengthened, her knobby knees followed suit.

She slowed... He turned...

Their brown eyes met... Her heart began beating faster... Wildly out of control

She stopped at the only thing separating her from her new found interest-- 

How could she free herself from this barrier? 

She would have to settle for this mediocre closeness to him. 

Cautiously... She elongated her neck- he slowly reached his hand out 

His skin collided with hers... 

Her soft caramel brown hair was slightly tangled... Patches of coarse hair throughout peaked his curiosity...

How could he tell this beautiful creature of his interest in her? 

 Feeding her? Washing her? Caressing her?

As he thought, he saw her jealousy for his attention when the others came about. 

She firmly but loudly made known her territory. 

He spoke to her with his soft kind voice.. 

Her heart yearned to hear his voice, feel his touch, to just be near him. 

He did not know how long he could be in her company but he had to know...

What should I call her? 

Meet Mandy ...

Gone fishin

Fisher-man: one who fishes for men. 

Fishing takes time, quiet, peace, focus, ease, grace.  

Once you catch a fish- then what?

You gut it, wash it, prep it, season it, fire it up, and it serves it's purpose. 

Each part happens in its own timing and for its original design. One part done before the other results in a massive redo project. 

Isn't this what the disciples did? 

Isn't this what we are to do? 

If we "fish for men"- I have to say we are out of a job. 

Why?

Why do we continue to lack in this area? Are we waiting for them to come to us? Are we waiting for our lives to be perfect? Are we waiting to be ready for it? 

All of the above and more. 

We are too distracted by self seeking, immediate satisfaction, self gratification, & self glorification, that we continue to miss the "fish" or opportunities or we are just plain scared or maybe we just don't care. 

The enemy has us sitting stagnet in fear or distraction. Stalled. 

When will we wake up and begin to fish again? And be successful at it? 

We- being those following after Christ with a willing heart and yielded to His will- must acknowledge and accept the call each one of us has to "fish" for those who do not know Him. Doing this- we will be obeying the Lord's will. And following after Christ's heart and desire... The entire reason He died on the cross... "That none would perish."

So many people are hurting. So many people are searching. Searching for the One thing that was meant to fill our hearts desire. 

We have done an excellent job at being distracted or even better- judging. 

Judgement on people not the sin. Judging a person is not our job. Holding accountable a person to their sin is part of the function of the Famibily (aka your Biblical Family) . 

The Church has said "you can't mess up here. You must look and play the part. Nothing is wrong in my life. With Jesus, my life became unmessy and perfect." 

We are believing a lie. 

Truth is- shouldn't within the relms of the Body of Christ we be able to mess up and fail, be picked up, corrected, & guided in a loving way? Isn't that what Christ did with the disciples? If we are free to mess up in the Body, then we wouldn't be messing up out in the world as bad, judging instead of teaching, We wouldn't be turning so many off from Christ. 

We are responsible for scaring the "Fish" away. We have made too much of OUR OWN noise. 

Be in the Word, Be still before God, Be in fellowship, Be in accountability, Be under a spiritual mother & father... Be yielded to God- fully and wholehearted. 

We might be able to help God fix what we have unaligned from His original intent... to be Fishmen for Him 

Lost...

As we travel each day, I am loving seeing the land and the people. I see it so differently now since I have been awakened by God. 

Traveling is no longer just for my pleasure- it means business. Business not in the sense of always having to be busy or doing, but remembering- I am constantly being watched, I am Christ here on earth, I am the hope of glory. 

Business- of Light exuding, Glory giving, in awe looking at He who has called me for His purpose. 

It is serious yet so simple 

I am listening... still... silent...

Overwhelmed heart of joy

I wish I could have walked all the way around the Sea of Galilee with Jesus as Mary Magdalen did. 

To sit at His feet... 

To stay there a while...

Lost in the moment with Him... 

I want more...