Forgiveness

I never thought I would be staring it in the face- I thought it was over- I thought his chance was done. I honestly thought I would never see him again.
But with God there are a million second chances- and that is what I was looking dead in the face.
Do you remember the prayers your prayed
the tears you cried that were silent prayers
the moans from the depths of your being crying out to God for mercy, for help.
If I did not remember them, He would remind me over the next few days, weeks, months.
I thought I had forgiven him
I had worked so hard over the last 2 years to forgive and move forward. And I thought I had... But He thought otherwise.
The text was there- how do I respond God? what do I say?
Help me Lord!
All i felt and heard within me was... be kind & forgiving

As I opened my bible study booklet the next day, the title stared me in the face.
Forgiveness.

Okay God- I hear what you are wanting me to walk through.
How?
His response... just watch & be willing!

I began learning just what it means when God forgives me. The slate is clean.
He teaches me from my weak sin moments, of course, but He no longer holds those accounts against me.
How is this humanly possible God? How do I do this when so many hurts have been done? I desire to forgive & forget, but how do I do it?
Just watch & be willing!

He led me to multiple scriptures over the next few days. And I was soaking in every word He would give me. Yearned to hear what He had to say- how to respond- what to do- how to even breath.
I remember this place not so long ago- as if i was repeating time over again.
but with a different feeling this time... a different purpose
A peace- a freedom- a knowing that no matter what, I was right where I needed to be... being held together in my Daddy's arms.

Isaiah 43:18-19 "forget the old history. Be alert. Watch. I have already begun a new thing."

This is what you have pressed upon my heart.
to forgive & forget... because love is patient and kind, it is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, it does not demand its own way, it is not irritable, it keeps no record of being wronged, it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out, it never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is how His love is to me
If I could only imitate just a small portion of this to those around me, how different I would be

This is what He asked of me... to love others
I believe if God thinks he is worth being forgiven, then I will obey

what has been amazing over the last few weeks is the freedom that I feel
I know without a doubt that, no matter what happens, I can walk away knowing I have walked in forgiveness because God showed me how. And that is a miracle.