Albania Bound

Well- it is very short notice, but I am off again to travel the world. This time God has sent me with an amazing medical team to Albania.

You are probably wondering where that is- I know I did…. Albania is wedged in the middle of Montenegro, Kosovo, Macedonia, & Greece… you know, right on the Mediterranean.

Hard life… I know

I am traveling with a medical team consisting of 7-8 doctors & dentists, 4 nurses, 1 dental assistant, a life coach, & a few other supporting members. We are volunteering with the Christian Medical & Dental Association , for their Albania fund. We will be teaching nursing & medical Albania students. Our focus is “How to Save a Life.”

Work has been so busy here in Lancaster that my excitement hasn’t hit with full force yet. Come Thursday evening… it will settle in!

My dear friend Cyndy is heading up the nursing team. One of my best friends, Becki, will be traveling & teaching along side me. Both of these women of God, I am very honored & privileged to serve the Lord with overseas. My heart is overwhelmed with joy at what God will present to us in this time together. I look forward to connecting with the other ladies on our team in this way & watching what God does through us & in us while we are in Albania.

I am always astonished at how God continues to call me to areas of need, not just in my own workplace & country, but also to others. I am grateful that He continues to fulfill His promise to me that He made when I was a 10 year old girl.

We will be flying out of Dulles airport on Tuesday, November 8^th.

Yep… voting day! We will be arrive the next day in Tirana, Albania. From there we will meet up with the full team & Albania’s hosting us & make our way to Durres on the coast of Albania!!!!

The pictures are beautiful.

I am asking for prayer as we prep & travel. Albania is primarily an Islamic country. Please pray with us in God opportunities & conversations. The students are thrilled to have us come- so I am hopeful of much time spent getting to know the students & their stories. All to say- I know God will work through our own stories & the time we have with these precious people.

We are on a short trip this visit- we will be returning Monday, November 14^th.

I will be paying the cost of the trip- so if you are interested in supporting me financially, you can send a check to me directly or you can donate at www.albanianhealthfund.org   click on donate- fill out the info- & in the comments you can put “donate towards April Leonard’s mission trip.”

If you have any questions, please ask them via email or text. I will update periodically while we are there, but a full update will be when I return.

Thank you for supporting my & the team with your prayers & also financially.

failure

I recently had the experience of being called a failure as a nurse. This is the second time in my life &  almost 10 year career as a nurse to be called a failure. 

As it sunk in through the rest of my shift, its roots kept growing deeper- doubts kept in- anger- frustration

No tears would fall that night- no words against the person would come out- it would be held inside where it festered.

As the next morning woke me, I quickly discovered the same feeling & emotions were still lingering. 

as I opened my devotional- I remember being desperate for something to help me- I prayed... "Lord, You see my heart & You see the stain that one person's words have left on me. Help me up from this hit."

Mark 6:3-4 "Is this not the carpenter, the Son of Mary, and brother s James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? And are not His sisters here with us? So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house."

With tears streaming down my face- I saw it-- I felt it--- God had wrapped His loving arms around me & just held me there, reminding me that Jesus, in his home town with his own siblings was no honored or accepted. What a comfort in knowing that He knows exactly how I feel.

He reminded me that I will not do things perfectly, I will make mistakes, but I am no failure. 

Jesus kept after what He knew His purpose was while on Earth- it doesn't mean it didn't hurt or that He didn't feel the emotions we feel. But He held on tight to His Father because He knew it would all work out- that He would succeed & do the most amazing thing in the world. 

fighting flesh

I was recently asked... "does dating a man that isn't completely devoted to God scare you? Because you have been hurt in a past relationship with a man who was not devoted to God? But you know that God is a person that will never let you down- so therefore you seek that in a man?"

I thought a moment

my response... Yes

It had never been verbalized or asked of me in that manner- but that was it. 

Was this a fear? yes but more of a choice of a way of life. 

I fight my flesh everyday

fighting to beat back the tendencies to be judgmental or let anything come out of my mouth or lacking compassion or kindness. to live and do whatever it is I want. 

That is not my way of living any longer

I have chosen to live a different life. To be a different person. And that- I am. 

I have fought within myself over the last 3-4 weeks about online dating or dating in general. Do I? Don't I? now? later?  The answer came clearly as I began to have the increased longing inside to not be alone- to seek companionship- to feel the full affects of loneliness- lack love & admiration of a man. All those things and more I desire very strongly. I want to be in relationship. I desire it. 

It was like waking up startled & frightened. If I seek it out now... it will not be in His timing or with the right frame of mind. 

A sigh of relief left me

There was no rush. He wasn't rushing- so why would I?

Then I heard it- God is stabilizing you in this season. 

That's it

If I enter into a relationship prematurely- without a stable foundation, not talking of just a foundation in Him but- in which He is healing me, suring up my foundation in Him, mending my broken heart, & rewiring my way to love & be loved by another- I will only be filling the void. 

It was said perfectly in a sermon... "He is stabilizing my emotions, my commitment, my ambition, my relationships, & my BELIF in Him."

I want the more He has promised me. And that more- I am willing to wait for. 

unqualified

I heard his helpless scream down the hallway. As my eyes beheld the person making the awful noise that disturbed everyone on the hall, I felt pity for the man. both legs were removed leaving nothing but fresh stubs- his left hand consisted of a nub with an aged scar across it- his right hand had only 2 nubs for digits and an even older scar for a hand. As his eyes blankly stared at me and seemed to follow me or at least my voice- then I realized this poor man was blind to boot. My heart hurt for what he might be going through- but boy was he mean!

As I stood in attempt to console the man, as well as treat his extremely low blood sugar- it seemed hopeless… not in treating his low blood sugar but to appease the yelling and hateful attitude. 

As we bantered back & forth- meeting his needs & him being thankful one moment, then not meeting his need to wake up his entire family via phone calls & want of chocolate (for an uncontrolled diabetic)- I was called every name in the book. It all seemed to bounce off after being a nurse after so many years. nothing personal- I remind myself. he is just scared & lashing out- I repeat it with every harsh word. 

As his next comment came out… I was blank. Almost 10 years of nursing & I had yet to hear this one.     It made me stop.   It made me think.   

“You are unqualified to be a nurse.”

I brushed it off. Never thought of it till tonight in conversation with a friend. 

Again, it made me stop- think…

Unqualified. 

As I began reading my new book in the mail- I chuckled- when did I order this book & how funny the timing? My book, by Steven Furtick, was entitled (un)qualified: how God uses broken people to do big things.

The accused words by the man replayed in my mind… "What to you sir, makes me unqualified to care for you tonight? Because according to the State of Pennsylvania & the Army- they believe I am highly qualified to care for you. As well as this facility that you willingly came to. Plus, I am very confident that I am highly qualified to care for you as your nurse tonight.

His response was- well that’s for me to know & you to find out.

I laughed. 

I laugh even now- but with slight hesitation. 

Am i qualified? 

My question doesn't challenge my ability or degree or knowledge or skill— its much deeper than that. I know that I am qualified to be a nurse and am confident that I am a good nurse & enjoy what I do. But am I qualified to do the other things in life? 

With the start of each day, the battle ensues- barely noticeable at first, till by the end of the day, it is full on internal fight for life

fighting feelings of inadequacy- insufficiency

what if I fail? what if my failures shipwreck others along the way?

then I read it… “it’s about understanding who we really are now in order to be who we are capable of becoming. it’s about ruthlessly peeling back the prejudices & assumptions we’ve made about ourselves. It’s about letting God be our source of sufficiency.”

my inward struggle

not what others think of me- I could really care less about that. 

It is about what I think of me. 

I continued to read. 

“We tend to qualify people based on character & competency. Character refers to who we are & competency refers to what we do. Our competency is usually much more at the forefront that our character. It is so intricately connected to our identity that we often think it is our identity.” 

Did you hear that???

How do you view yourself, April?

My identity 

What makes me April

As I began to list things- it felt awkward… selfish… conceited… then I heard, "But I view you as these things, April"

I sighed 

If I pray for Him to help me view others as He views them & love others as He loves them, would He not be excited for me to ask the same for myself? 

I am unqualified in life & love & job, but I know who qualifies me everyday- especially to do nursing.

So… how do I let God be my source of sufficiency day in & day out- before the battle begins? 

I’ll begin where He first taught me

emunah

What creates the contentment you feel?

I was asked that question in counseling one afternoon. And I have thought of it daily for a month.

What creates the contentment I feel?

Contentment: to show willingness, be pleased, determine, undertake (to do anything)

The question was asked after choosing to walk away from the one thing I thought I wanted. When I chose & verbalized to God that “he” was not what I wanted, the weight was lifted- a freedom was present- & my spirit stood on the firmest Rock. I began to walk forward in complete freedom & knowing what I did want more than anything was God & His tangible presence in my life daily.

Emunah is the seal on my arm and actions being played before my very eyes.

As I looked at the definition & pondered… I asked God- how do I answer this? Am I really content?

With each passing day, I realized He was leading me into contentment. For the first time in my life I could honestly say I was walking in contentment.

Every morning I wake up- slightly frightened this content feeling will disappear- but it has not yet.

What about my life- situation- goals- frustrations- state of being- has me content?

I should be the farthest thing from content

But this is how I know God has me in held here.

A picture of Shulamite woman comes to mind. She was at one point locked in the garden & did not like it. But once she left the garden, on her own will, she soon realized what a wonderful place it was. To be in the safe keeping, security, beauty, sweet fragrance, loving place with her Beloved. When she lost that and realized it- she panicked. Searching high and low for her Beloved- unable to find Him.

He found her- right where she was, picked her up, and carried her back to His garden.

His mercy for me everyday is in so much abundance.

He was arms opened wide when I came running to Him. I want to be in that garden with my Beloved till the day this earthly body dies. Then to be with Him for eternity.

So my contentment comes from the Lord. From a place where I know the daily grind will get frustrating or I will become impatient or dissatisfied or tired or wanting. But being content in whatever situation life presents happens by being content with God having control, leading you, & trusting that He is there & engaged in every little detail.

I may not be where my 5-10 year plan had projected- but I am in a better place than what I envisioned. I may not be married, but divorced in fact or have any children on the way or have a big house for my entire family to come stay for holidays or be traveling on missions consistently or be the soccer mom driving a mini-van or have my masters… but what I do have & would give ALL things up for is the love & joy & active presence of God in my life.

I remember when my first nephew was born- Isaac. I was sitting with my husband at the time on my brothers couch in South Carolina. I was watching my brother and his wife (my amazing sister in law) interacting with their first born. We were packed in their small side of the trailer along with all the furniture which wasn’t much at that point. They had no money and what seemed like no direction or career or goals.

“He” & I had money, the house, the cars, the careers, the friends, the stuff, the ability to travel wherever and whenever- but we lacked one thing.

My brother and his new family had selfless love. They had joy. They had the active presence of God, daily. Even though they had trouble & fights & difficulties- they had what I desired so greatly, but just didn’t know how to get it.

My life is nothing like I thought it would be… it is better!

  

Lion Arise

Tonight as I was talking with my mom about how I felt inside with the lack of his call or response after so long- I honestly said- "I feel free, lacking nothing. My decision- I stick with- God is who I chose until He allows someone to walk along side, in step with Us. 

I began to explain how some similar feelings from when my life was in a waiting period for my "husband" to now when thinking about my ex-husband... I felt sad. I actually cried in anger. 

As my life has continued & blossomed into God's original design, my prayers for this man have changed, yet stayed the same.  Reconciliation to God- to see his full potential as Christ designed him. To see- to hear- to know the love of God.

My anger is a righteous anger- one that comes with the passion in a heart that is yielded toward God & therefore angry at the things that anger Him. 

I think of what the enemy has tried to accomplish & I laugh! 

You have no hold on me- You have stolen nothing from me! You do not win... remember?!

I hear him taunt me saying, "but your marriage is demolished & ruined. you are alone. and I have him. he is mine."

I have pondered on that. 

Is he his?

I was reminded by my mother tonight that he is not ignorant of the Truth. He does know and believe. 

And we know- the purpose of all of this was to bring you (april) into right alignment with God, as well as him too. Our greatest weapon & most effective job is to pray for him as He desires. 

As my tears of anger rolled down my cheeks- I explained that I was angry at what the enemy had done & how he holds ever so tightly on what does not belong to him

I may not be able to make him see or say the words to change his mind or be able to do anything in this realm... BUT... I will pray!

Mom saw the Lion rise as I spoke of my anger for him. 

The Lion rises. 

His anger is very present. 

He is coming to take back what is His. 

He is coming!

As I picture the Lion, I am at peace. 

It is no ironic fate that my new study is Lioness Arising...

I am excited to see what God does with this Lioness as He teaches her to rise 

mcdonald moment to remember

The drive thru was packed, so I parked the car to get my sweet tea fix. Smart business plan located this McDonalds next to a high school... wish I had thought of that.

As I walked in- I was shocked at how busy it was. Packed with high schoolers of all ages- races- sizes- & walks of like. I couldn't quite find where the line began- so as I was asking others if they were waiting to order, I became very aware that I was the oldest person in the building. 

I was a little caught off guard that I had to wait for my "order" to be filled (aka... pass me a large sweet tea cup)- but I wasn't put off by this. 

As I waited- I watched- I listened. 

small children, on their own, being led by just slightly older children

despite the cold and windy weather... provocative clothing

foul language I have only heard from infantry men & sailors

disrespect of each other

name calling

a young confused kid power walk thru the crowd shoving each person in his way- he arrived at the counter & began yelling at the worker about his fries not being "hot"- he started throwing them at her- a manager walked up to help- the fries thrown at her- comments made from him to her & right back at him. he reached in a box near the counter to grab sauce packets & threw them at them. once he got his now "hot" fries- he turned and loudly called out someone's name then pushing his way thru the waiting crowd to get to another person to begin calling them names & talking about a party this weekend. 

Homosexuality was written over most of these children

fingers snapping for people to pay attention to them or look them in the eyes or to be quiet or name calling to get someone's attention

It's Sodom & Gomorra- but worse!

I could see the life-sucking figures- nail sunken deep- attached to them... they turned and look at me- "these are ours!" they screeched 

more and more kept pouring in the doors

I felt the place getting smaller 

I filled my cup 

I excused myself as I was walking through the place, not to run into anyone- smiling the whole way- even though my heart was heavy

As I walked to my car... deep breath... 

The tears began as I closed my car door. 

"God- this is what You have to work with? This is the next generation? OH God!!!"

All my thoughts went to what I had just witnessed... it has reached our children... what are we to do?

I felt broken hearted and overwhelming sadness as I thought of these children- any child in this day & age. This is just one building in a medium size city, and this is mild Im sure. 

I cried out to Him... "Thank You that You are so much bigger & greater than my little mind. This is too much for me to hold. God- you love these children- each one- they are not too far gone- help them find You. Help them turn away from the world & see what is eternal & good & righteous. Help this next generation. Help us!"

I sat in silence for a while... sobbing 

As I drove to the elementary school to get the Boy, I prayed, "let me see You here. Lighten my heart but not to forget what I saw."

I had watched the seriousness of these teachers before. Radios- name tags in the cars for kids- ID's of people picking them up- no child without an escort or known destination. It was a work of elementary school dismissal art.

Near the buses, a teacher loudly commented to a child walking out of the building with her parent... "Miss Amy, your valentines box is most beautiful." A smile was plastered across this little girls face as she walked proudly out with her mom & highly decorated and bedazzled box in hand. 

my heart melted

In the office they checked my ID and called over the radio for the Boy. I again found myself watching...

a small boy holding the door for a parent

the 6 girls in the office with their moms were so full of life & laughter & excitement talking about who gave which valentine & their favorite

the older girl using the overhead mic to announce the next bus number release for the children- she walked with such pride with her yellow hall vest through the door to watch the children being released and filling the awaiting bus

I was trying to hold my tears back standing, watching, waiting, listening

the Boy and his new black mustache walked in & was surprised but smiling to see me

my heart leapt at the this sight- peace and innocence 

"God- there is hope that not all is lost. Thank You for this reminder."

My mind raced as we drove to the park. 

How can I make a difference?

Maybe I won't be a mom. It really doesn't matter if I bear flesh. 

For the second time in my life- a picture of older children flashed through- these kids were in my care- they saw me a their parent- did not call me mom, but friend, elder, respectful & loving protector. 

There are tons of kids that are "not wanted" due to their age... maybe these kids are meant to be mine. I can remember God promising to open wide my tents- actually that they would be busting at the tent pegs... 

I receive Your call to protect & pray for these kids. And if You give some into my keeping- I will do as You want. 

We are to teach our children what it means to love God, to love others, to live not of this world but of eternity. We are responsible for the changing of the atmosphere- the rewiring of their precious minds that will one day impact the world in ways we do not know. 

Lord, when You are ready- I will receive the children You bring. I will love them & teach them as You have loved & taught me. Thank You for laying this heavy on my heart. And I am thankful that You love the children & say come. That You have not given up on us yet.