Thursday, January 28, 2016

new year moment

You know those moments in life where you realize the moment you are in is what life is about...
I had just said bye & happy new year to several people I loved as they were driving home.
The ball dropped and it was 2016.
I knew this year was going to be different already- what God had in store was yet to be revealed- but I trust Him wholehearted.
I can remember earlier in the week & even that night thinking- would it be more fun somewhere else or with this person or that person?
But as I sat on the floor with my 2 favorite people, 2 very sleepy dogs, & Bible open.. I realized this was exactly where I wanted to be.
We were starting the year differently... the first minutes into 2016 was spent reading Isaiah & listening to It is well with my soul.
the presence of God was very thick & inviting- it made me very happy to be there

we sat in the silence for a few minutes... then Austin spoke up
"as the song was playing, I saw Jesus. He was dancing with the angels in heaven."
His eyes filled with tears- he could do nothing but sob... "mom, it was SO beautiful!"
all 3 of us were in tears at that point

As I looked up- I thanked God.
Thank You Lord for this moment. I would have forfeited it being anywhere else... but thank You for allowing me to see this moment in life that makes life worth living.

Sunday, January 17, 2016


I never thought I would be staring it in the face- I thought it was over- I thought his chance was done. I honestly thought I would never see him again.
But with God there are a million second chances- and that is what I was looking dead in the face.
Do you remember the prayers your prayed
the tears you cried that were silent prayers
the moans from the depths of your being crying out to God for mercy, for help.
If I did not remember them, He would remind me over the next few days, weeks, months.
I thought I had forgiven him
I had worked so hard over the last 2 years to forgive and move forward. And I thought I had... But He thought otherwise.
The text was there- how do I respond God? what do I say?
Help me Lord!
All i felt and heard within me was... be kind & forgiving

As I opened my bible study booklet the next day, the title stared me in the face.

Okay God- I hear what you are wanting me to walk through.
His response... just watch & be willing!

I began learning just what it means when God forgives me. The slate is clean.
He teaches me from my weak sin moments, of course, but He no longer holds those accounts against me.
How is this humanly possible God? How do I do this when so many hurts have been done? I desire to forgive & forget, but how do I do it?
Just watch & be willing!

He led me to multiple scriptures over the next few days. And I was soaking in every word He would give me. Yearned to hear what He had to say- how to respond- what to do- how to even breath.
I remember this place not so long ago- as if i was repeating time over again.
but with a different feeling this time... a different purpose
A peace- a freedom- a knowing that no matter what, I was right where I needed to be... being held together in my Daddy's arms.

Isaiah 43:18-19 "forget the old history. Be alert. Watch. I have already begun a new thing."

This is what you have pressed upon my heart.
to forgive & forget... because love is patient and kind, it is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, it does not demand its own way, it is not irritable, it keeps no record of being wronged, it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out, it never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is how His love is to me
If I could only imitate just a small portion of this to those around me, how different I would be

This is what He asked of me... to love others
I believe if God thinks he is worth being forgiven, then I will obey

what has been amazing over the last few weeks is the freedom that I feel
I know without a doubt that, no matter what happens, I can walk away knowing I have walked in forgiveness because God showed me how. And that is a miracle.