emunah

What creates the contentment you feel?

I was asked that question in counseling one afternoon. And I have thought of it daily for a month.

What creates the contentment I feel?

Contentment: to show willingness, be pleased, determine, undertake (to do anything)

The question was asked after choosing to walk away from the one thing I thought I wanted. When I chose & verbalized to God that “he” was not what I wanted, the weight was lifted- a freedom was present- & my spirit stood on the firmest Rock. I began to walk forward in complete freedom & knowing what I did want more than anything was God & His tangible presence in my life daily.

Emunah is the seal on my arm and actions being played before my very eyes.

As I looked at the definition & pondered… I asked God- how do I answer this? Am I really content?

With each passing day, I realized He was leading me into contentment. For the first time in my life I could honestly say I was walking in contentment.

Every morning I wake up- slightly frightened this content feeling will disappear- but it has not yet.

What about my life- situation- goals- frustrations- state of being- has me content?

I should be the farthest thing from content

But this is how I know God has me in held here.

A picture of Shulamite woman comes to mind. She was at one point locked in the garden & did not like it. But once she left the garden, on her own will, she soon realized what a wonderful place it was. To be in the safe keeping, security, beauty, sweet fragrance, loving place with her Beloved. When she lost that and realized it- she panicked. Searching high and low for her Beloved- unable to find Him.

He found her- right where she was, picked her up, and carried her back to His garden.

His mercy for me everyday is in so much abundance.

He was arms opened wide when I came running to Him. I want to be in that garden with my Beloved till the day this earthly body dies. Then to be with Him for eternity.

So my contentment comes from the Lord. From a place where I know the daily grind will get frustrating or I will become impatient or dissatisfied or tired or wanting. But being content in whatever situation life presents happens by being content with God having control, leading you, & trusting that He is there & engaged in every little detail.

I may not be where my 5-10 year plan had projected- but I am in a better place than what I envisioned. I may not be married, but divorced in fact or have any children on the way or have a big house for my entire family to come stay for holidays or be traveling on missions consistently or be the soccer mom driving a mini-van or have my masters… but what I do have & would give ALL things up for is the love & joy & active presence of God in my life.

I remember when my first nephew was born- Isaac. I was sitting with my husband at the time on my brothers couch in South Carolina. I was watching my brother and his wife (my amazing sister in law) interacting with their first born. We were packed in their small side of the trailer along with all the furniture which wasn’t much at that point. They had no money and what seemed like no direction or career or goals.

“He” & I had money, the house, the cars, the careers, the friends, the stuff, the ability to travel wherever and whenever- but we lacked one thing.

My brother and his new family had selfless love. They had joy. They had the active presence of God, daily. Even though they had trouble & fights & difficulties- they had what I desired so greatly, but just didn’t know how to get it.

My life is nothing like I thought it would be… it is better!